Thank you for spending some moments here on decor8 with me this week… it was certainly nice to have you and for those who took the time to comment, thank you very much! I read and approve all comments (yes, even the 1,500 that came in this week for the Pottery Barn contest) so I can assure you that I enjoy hearing your many expressions. I don’t know about you but I’m so glad it is time for the weekend, I am ready to relax tomorrow after I finish my errands because rest & relaxation is so good for the soul — especially for the creative juices which flow freely when one is not stressed out and running like a crazy person! My week has been a lot of everything all at once ranging from absolute joy to crushing pain…
I’m busy now as you know, I’m currently working with the publisher to find a talented interiors photographer who is not booked this summer — but also who can really nail this project because a decorating book is so reliant on outstanding photographs. Sadly most of my personal favorites are booked, and one that I really wanted is pregnant and not traveling at the moment, so the search will continue into next week. I must have looked at 300 portfolios this week alone. Next week will be very busy as I will work on the flat plan that Joanna has put together (and it looks great, I’m so excited to “see” it coming together) and so my ‘job’ is to now give some idea as to where the homes that I know we want to shoot will fit and where. It’s exciting to work on this project — and I assume it will become more real to me once we have our photo meeting in London next month. But for now, it’s all a bit of a blur, a “is this really happening”, and of course, even like a big bubble as so much is being conducted online at the moment. I can’t wait to meet with people face-to-face and really dig into this project offline as well.
In spite of the wonderful book, I’ve been a bit blue this week for a few reasons — and all I can say is thank goodness for this book right now because it’s a giant lifesaver for me to cling too — it gets me out of my own head. But yes, the first blue moment is one most of you know about as I mention it from time to time but yes… it’s from living in such tight, small quarters and living in limbo. We cannot find a larger space to live in and this tiny apartment is making me feel a bit closed in plus all of my things (80 boxes, recall?) are still boxed in the cellar and I want to get into my things and use them – like my clothes, sewing machine, books, kitchen gadgets and more. I have been living like this since August and so naturally I’m starting to feel a bit frustrated.
But the next blue feeling is absolutely painful and tragic news, something out of my control completely, and I wasn’t even sure if I should tell you… I found out this week that my father has cancer — it was heart-breaking naturally because I love him and maybe you didn’t know this, but I’ve not seen him since I was 18 when my parents divorced. He left and decided to begin a new life – with a new family – and that was the end of our relationship even though I wanted him in my life. I don’t judge him for this as we all have decisions to make and perhaps he had reasons for what he did, and he did tell me at that time that his decision had nothing to do with me because I was always a good daughter… but it took me years to get over his absence — nearly ten years in fact. By the time I was in my late twenties I had learned to manage the often hard emotions which came with all that. When I called and asked him to walk me down the aisle and he declined, I remember the feeling of knowing that the relationship between us must really be over. And it was hard to accept this! When I walked alone towards my husband on my wedding day, I felt amazingly peaceful and not at all sad — I knew at that moment that I had moved forward and have felt at peace ever since. But now I must admit that hearing of his cancer made me feel sad for him and so while working on my book provides a great “high” for me, knowledge of his cancer is still difficult though I will firmly press forward — he knows I love him and that I am always here so I simply need to keep calm and carry on for lack of better words.
I am so thankful for my job, family and friends as all are my safety net and catch me during times when I feel unsure — and this is such a blessing to have — these networks and resting places. And I include all of you when I say my friends. And so, with the good, there is the bad, but in the end growth will occur and such experiences make us stronger and bring life into clearer focus and so, rather than feel heavy at heart I am going to approach these things with confidence that situations can and will improve and if not, then the experience will provide for an opportunity to grow and hopefully become a better person, some way, somehow. But isn’t it hard to realize these positive things when we’re in the midst of hard times? But I guess strength of character isn’t measured by our being able to endure good times but in our ability to navigate the difficult challenges.
But enough about me… how was your week? Are you doing well?
(Images: Jackie Rueda whom I wrote about this morning over at Real Simple.)
Tags: my book
April 16th, 2010 at 3:45 pm
So sorry for your news~ I can sympathize in many ways, as my dad left when I was 15, and our relationship has been fractured to say the least. I hope you have some time to process and feel at peace this weekend.
.-= Mandy´s last blog ..Friday Love =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 3:47 pm
Sending love xx
April 16th, 2010 at 3:47 pm
I am so sorry about your father’s diagnosis and his inability to connect with you as a parental figure. That said, I admire you tremendously for seeing past his faults, accepting your unconventional relationship, and refusing to allow it to define your future. That takes an incredible amount of strength, insight, and maturity.
Annnnd….those same traits are going to produce an incredible book with amazing photographs we will all clamor to read. :)
xo
j
April 16th, 2010 at 3:49 pm
Holly – just saw your tweet about this. I am going to be sending good thoughts your way – and for your Dad too…. It’s tough to know the right thing to say – especially on the web like this…. But I’m sending those good thoughts :)
.-= Amy´s last blog ..Red Prairie Press – Living the Dream =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 3:53 pm
Holly, I am so sorry to hear your news. About both your flat struggle and ur father. My heart goes out to u!
April 16th, 2010 at 3:54 pm
Wow. I wish I had 1/10th of your graciousness and peace. My dad divorced my mom when I was 18 as well and went on to have three children with his new wife. We fought, we both said terrible things to one another, but eventually we got over it and achieved a certain awkward intimacy. For the last 20 years I’ve focused on the “awkward” and not on the “intimacy.” This one post has made me grateful as hell for both sides of that equation, and that the world has someone like you in it, creating beauty and peace every day even when stuff is broken to all hell. Thank you so much. I hope your dad gets a chance to get complete with you, but if not, he is really missing out.
April 16th, 2010 at 3:55 pm
My heart goes out to you Holly. Ill parents is one of the hardest things in life we’ll face. Even with a shaky history. My thoughts are with you.
April 16th, 2010 at 3:56 pm
Oh Holly, it’s so sad to hear that… I hope you get over it soon and that your father can, somehow, get better :-)
I had a hell of a week: day job + evening crafter and blogger. And believe me, the evenings make my day! Despite this I had my first feature on the front page of Etsy and due to that my first sale on Etsy. What a good way to start the weenkend, huh? :-)))
Here the weather is miserable, so no good for pic-nics or outside activities, therefore I’m going for a bit of sewing. Have a nice weekend!
.-= Margarida´s last blog ..Shop update: come and see what’s new around there :-) =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 3:57 pm
Hugs to you. I admire you for truly treating your readers like friends & sharing such aspects of life with us–in turn, allowing us to offer support as real friends do in “real” life.
You’re in my thoughts & prayers. xoxo
April 16th, 2010 at 3:57 pm
Holly, if I was with you in person I’d being giving you a BIG HUG right now. I’m so sorry about your Dad and that you’re hurting. It’s kind of a double whammy when you’ve been missing that close relationship with him and now he’s sick. I know firsthand how important a Dad’s love is (mine was very critical and harsh) and I really feel for you. Good thing you are such a positive and upbeat person and I know it definitely helps to have rewarding things going on in your life to balance the pain.
I CARE ABOUT YOU and will be thinking about you and your Dad and keeping your in my prayers. Big, big XO!
Love,
Vicki
April 16th, 2010 at 3:57 pm
Thank you for sharing such a personal story with us. I feel like you have such a positive attitude even about serious and sad events, and it’s inspiring. We all have difficult things to deal with, some people more than others, and it’s OK to be sad about them. But it’s great that you can be sad and frustrated and yet still see good things. You don’t pretend the bad isn’t there, but you don’t let it overtake you. Best of luck and carry on!
April 16th, 2010 at 3:58 pm
I’m also really sorry for you and can imagine that the work on your book keeps you sane. Keeps you from brooding too much and from maybe living in the past and revisiting events many years ago in your imagination. On the other hand, it can easily all become just too much and I hope you’ll have the weekend you wish to have – quiet or full of events, whatever you need, and like you wrote you are not alone in all this. I am the same age as you and the story of me and my father is different (but also similar since I too had to grow up without him). He died when I was in my first year of school, not yet 7, 30 years ago last Sunday. And he was my most favorite person. I am older now than he ever got and I still miss him. The story about your wedding brought tears to my eyes because in some ways I feel luckier than you. Still, he’s your father and he’s alive. And I need to stop writing now… Thanks for this honest entry and for sharing. Take care.
April 16th, 2010 at 3:59 pm
sending you peace & love & tons of strength & courage.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:00 pm
Sending you hugs for the weekend. I’ve been through the cancer thing with my mother and it SUCKS. Sorry also to hear about your lack of relationship with your father. Maybe his diagnosis will change his perspective on life a bit? As a parent I’m struggling to understand where he’s coming from and hugely admire your understanding. You are being extremely mature and brave and I’m really glad you have the book at the moment to help you through. I just know it’s going to be fabulous.
.-= paola´s last blog ..Bloggers Bake Sale for Share Our Strength =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:01 pm
Oh Holly….I am so sorry. So sorry to hear about your Dad( all of the news about your Dad, that I wasn’t aware of- what a brave & large hearted person you are hun) I can’t imagine what you are going through…but, know that I am sending you a huge hug, a cup of tea and a listening ear. I am so happy about your book darling and so glad you have that to focus on. Again, I am so sorry you are blue. The only thing that helps me when I feel that way is time with good friends & repeating to myself “It won’t always be like this, it will get better”
xoxo
Melis
.-= Melissa de la Fuente´s last blog ..The little things: Aqua & peaches…. =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:03 pm
Oh Holly,
I am so sorry, my heart is with you. I had a similar relationship with my father and I too walked down the aisle without him. I understand the assortment of feelings going on, of course only to a point. This is your life. But my thoughts and prayers are with you and just know, we are here for you. Your courage in sharing this shows the openess of your heart and your readers will embrace you back. We care about you so much.
Take care,
Marcia
xoxoxo
April 16th, 2010 at 4:04 pm
all my good thoughts, go out to you holly. in life we face many trials, family ones are some of the hardest to cope with. stay strong, believe, cling to the good moments in time.
.-= sue@solsticehome´s last blog ..Vintage Enamel Funnel =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:05 pm
Your post is prompting me to make a phone call to my long-distance dad with whom I had a falling out with because I could not longer tolerate the pain and anguish he kept putting my family and me through. I recently saw a photo of him and my heart ached at how old and haggard he looked – no doubt due to the stress of the aftermath of his struggles and just from aging. I am strong with my emotions in relation to being able to come out of tremendously trying situations but there is just something about Dads where we will almost always remember good times and see the loving side.
I don’t know the specifics of things but I am incredibly inspired by your perspective and personal strength in (trying) to look beyond the hurt and reach towards love. Goodness knows how hard that can be most days.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:07 pm
you are amazing and should talk about yourself more often! i dont think any of us can ever get enough of hearing about you, that’s why we come to the blog after all :) xoxo
April 16th, 2010 at 4:13 pm
So sad to hear about your father. Hopefully everything turns allright.
I know that its heart breaking to hear that your parent is sick.
If I would live there i would show you my portfolio too:))
I can´t wait to see your book when it´s finished.
Let´s hope your mood goes from blue to pink soon!
take care!!!
April 16th, 2010 at 4:15 pm
I’m sorry to hear of your dad’s diagnosis Holly. I just wanted to send you warm hugs.
x
.-= lisa :: the red thread´s last blog ..Have a bright and beautiful weekend =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:17 pm
Holly, you’re really brave for sharing these problems with all of us! I am so grateful for the trust, if I can say so. I’m sorry about your dad and now I guess the past shouldn’t matter, your support is the most important. Hoping everything will be OK. xo
.-= Ludmila {CreamyLife.com}´s last blog ..Wallpaper Cookies =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:17 pm
You must be going through so much right now and I hope all these messages and shout outs make your day a tad more bearable. I admire your courage and strength, I can’t imagine I’d cope as well if I had to go through the same thing…
.-= chia´s last blog ..Botanical Illustration Course with the Eden Project =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:21 pm
What a painful thing to have to endure during your early adulthood. I don’t know how one could ever get over that feeling of abandonment . My guess, or should I say hope, is that with this diagnosis, your father will come to terms with the pain he caused and what he missed out on…what YOU missed out on. Perhaps from there a new relationship can form..keep your chin up and continue to create an amazing life for you, your friends and family:)
April 16th, 2010 at 4:22 pm
You are amazing, Holly. You have found such grace and courage in the midst of pain and loss. I am a Mother, but if I were your Father, I would have been proud to walk you down that aisle.
God bless you and give you strength.
Sheila — in Washington state
April 16th, 2010 at 4:23 pm
My thoughts are with you Holly, it is devastating to discover someone you love is unwell. Complicated relationships such as that you have with your father make it all the more difficult. I recently discovered my father was practically living a double life with another woman, and my parents separated as a result. He was devastated at the separation (!!), and I had to get past my anger and disappointment at him to enable me to make sure he didn’t do anything silly as he was just that low. I hope your Dad will be ok, Holly, they will always be our fathers, faults and all.
Look after yourself – big hugs to you
Jx
.-= julie´s last blog ..oh, hello weekend =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:26 pm
hi holly, you’ve brought tears to my eyes – but i’m not telling you so you’d feel badly, only that your words have touched me profoundly in this moment. i’m sorry to hear this news and i wish you an abundant amount of strength and peace during this time. thank you for sharing such a personal part of your history with us.
you seem to be very wise and i know you’ll make your way through this daunting forest. your blog is such a positive and uplifting experience for me every time i visit. i look forward to your book as well!
.-= jen´s last blog ..Would Like Your Opinion About This… =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:27 pm
Jackie, the best!
April 16th, 2010 at 4:28 pm
Your father is the one who should be sad to choose not to know you. What a horrible thing to do to a child. I wish you peace.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:28 pm
Oh, Holly. I am so sorry. Sometimes I think that having complicated family relationships make these kinds of hardships more difficult to deal with, because along with your care and concern for your father, you have all these other complex emotions to deal with. Sending a bear hug your way…
.-= Brigitte´s last blog ..Style Statement: Constructive Playful =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:30 pm
Keep calm and carry on are the perfect words. You are so talented and so creative, and I believe that you can use that to help you get through this hard time. Even in spite of the heart ache, there are good things that make you happy and it is great that you can recognized them and hold on to them.
Thank you for filling my world with creativity and for inspiring me to beautify my home and to have eyes for beauty.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:30 pm
So sorry to hear about your dad. I also had a complicated, difficult relationship with my mom and we barely spoke for many years. I had long ago made peace with how things were, yet when she died suddenly a year ago I felt orphaned- even though my wonderful dad is still alive. Now that she has passed and all the difficulty’s she presented to me are not so fresh it has allowed me to remember more easily the good parts of her and to be able to be clearer as to how and why she was so flawed in other ways. Perhaps this news will allow him to let go and allow you into his life. My thoughts are with you.
xr
.-= Raina Kattelson´s last blog ..favorite new find-Dear Rivington =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:31 pm
oh dear, please know that calming and loving thoughts are heading your way! you’re very brave for sharing!
love from st. paul, mn!
.-= kirsten anneke´s last blog ..cake in cups, cups, rain rain go away! =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:34 pm
i am not that good when it comes to sad moments… :(
just let me leave some hugs here for you, holly.
xoxo..
nic
April 16th, 2010 at 4:34 pm
Oh my goodness Holly, I feel I have just read the very nightmare I have all too often. Six years ago, when I was in my early twenties, my Dad suddenly walked out on my Mum, sister and I to start a new family with a woman not much older than myself.
Since that dreadful day we have not spoken to each other and I have had to move on with my life minus the Dad I loved so dearly. Many times over the past few years I’ve wondered how I’d feel if I found out he had a life-threatening illness (the year that he left he had a prostate scare) and I’ve never been able to answer my own queries.
However, I did talk to my Mum once about my fears and she gave me a different perspective to my thoughts by asking: “does he know if you’re OK?”, “what if you had been diagnosed with cancer, has he tried to get in contact with you?” “remember, he’s the one who walked away from you so you shouldn’t feel any guilt”. My Mum’s words are so true (he hasn’t made any attempt to reconcile with me), but, as you must know, it’s such a difficult situation to find yourself in.
I was so saddened to read this post and feel an immense amount of sorrow for you. But if it’s any consolation it’s so refreshing to know that there are other daughters out there whose Dad’s walked out on their lives.
Good luck with your book – I can’t wait to buy it.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:35 pm
You have such a healthy attitude about this entire situation. You are an inspiration. Thank you for having the guts to share the sad news along with your happy news–I know your words have helped your readers today.
Grace under pressure………well done :)
-kristiina
.-= kristiina´s last blog ..Cheap Art: Map =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:37 pm
I’m so sorry about the sad news but so dearly admire your strength. Keep shining your light through the dark :). You are an inspiration!
.-= Tanya´s last blog ..Creamy Soup Craving =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:38 pm
Your personal story just amazes me. You are such a strong person, full of so much grace and understanding. Thank you for being so open and sharing – you, and your father, will be in my prayers.
.-= MelanieO´s last blog ..Pattern Review: T-Shirt (#22) from Ottobre Design Spring 2010 =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:39 pm
Wow Holly, regardless of your relationship this is hard news to take and deal with. Your attitude sounds very positive, like usual and I’m sure your will find a good way to deal with this sad news. Thinking of you and sending you positive thoughts.
Have a great weekend!! xo.
.-= Tina´s last blog ..Wednesday’s Flowers – Cheerful Daffodils =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:40 pm
Holly, my eyes are full of tears. I’m really sorry. You are the most graceful and gracious person I know. I wish that life so wouldn’t so often give the lowest lows at the same time as it gives the highest highs. But a person can choose to believe that the high is there to help us get through the low, instead of thinking that the low is somehow ruining the high. (I don’t know a better way to explain that, sorry!) And of course, in your graceful and positive way, you are embracing both and moving through them.
Just know I’m thinking of you! xoxo
.-= Shanon´s last blog ..The Sneak Peak =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:42 pm
I am sorry to hear about your father. Hopefully you will have the opportunity, if you both want, to see each other. Sometimes life changing things like cancer change all different aspects of your life.
((HUGS))
.-= Lorie´s last blog ..Princess Cupcakes =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:45 pm
holly, this is such a sad story that you’ve shared. i’m touched by your strength. i can’t imagine what you’ve encountered, endured and overcome. who would’ve thought that someone sharing such pretty stuff would be so blue?
you are in my thoughts.
xxoogg
.-= gwendolyn´s last blog ..january =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:48 pm
The worst moments always bring the best lessons, only that you know that a little time after, but always, always know it. Tons of energy for you.
.-= Carolina González Arias´s last blog ..amanecer sin retoques =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:53 pm
Oh, Holly. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. What a kind a forgiving spirit you have. Surely deep down he must know that he missed out.
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..New Shop Additions: Venise Lace =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:54 pm
Holly, I know this will be one of countless comments that will come in from this post so I’ll just keep it short. My heart goes out to you so, so much and you’re all in my thoughts and prayers. The biggest hug imaginable.
.-= Uncle Beefy´s last blog ..Soon Enough =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:55 pm
Sorry to hear about your difficult week,I don’t post much but do read your lovely blog.
Illness is something that is very hard to deal with whether the person is front of you or not.I have a 11 yr old who has had medical issues since he was 5 so I know its not easy.
Each person makes the bed they lay in..so if your dad is comfortable with his remoteness so be it,He is the 1 that is missing out on knowing what a beautiful giving person you are.
But don’t beat yourself up,sometimes it just isn’t worth it.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Your post really hit home. So much so that I can hardly even type. My comment in 44 should say “a kind and forgiving spirit.” I’ll be thinking about you this weekend.
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..New Shop Additions: Venise Lace =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
hello…
i don’t know what to say. i am a fan of your blog and work and wish you nothing but the best always. just know that i am really sorry for the troubles troubling you at this moment. i will be thinking of you ever more and hope and pray that they desipate soon. try to have a splendid weekend as your image up top illustrates.
.-= Elizabeth´s last blog ..{friday flowers ~ as quoted} =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 5:00 pm
So many emotions I can’t put together a coherent comment. Overwhelmingly judgmental of your father, and of anyone who walks away from their child. Don’t waste your sorrow on him.
And I really hope you find a home soon!
.-= Jenn´s last blog ..Frustration =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 5:00 pm
I’m so sorry Holly – terrible news. Fingers crossed you get a bigger apartment soon and can play with your lovely things! Have a lovely weekend. Nic
.-= Nicole´s last blog ..friday in the studio =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 5:00 pm
I just reached out to my father’s family. I haven’t seen any of them for about 25 years. It’s hard to deal with your parents mistakes, even when a lot of time passes. I wish you and your father peace. And I wish myself the same!
April 16th, 2010 at 5:01 pm
Hugs to you. I am sorry to hear about his diagnosis. I am touched that you shared this with us. I find your strength to be very inspiring. It sounds like you do need a relaxing weekend!! I wish you the best!!
.-= Courteney ´s last blog ..My lantern is here!!!! =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 5:01 pm
I’m so sorry to hear about your father. You have such a kind and tender heart.
.-= Beth´s last blog ..Ikea Hack – Modern Outdoor Rocker =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 5:06 pm
I am sorry about the sad news. I can relate myself when you mentioned about friends on the safety net..the supports etc. “Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”
You cannot control the outer energy which is impacting your life right now. But you can grow stronger and handle with strength within self. I believe your dad do feel proud about you regardless what had happened. Just be strong like you always are. Hope and pray good energy coming your way. XX
.-= Irene´s last blog ..Challenge Day 97 – This lovely is on its way =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 5:06 pm
You amaze me Holly. Time after time you find the good out of every situation. It has obviously served you well and created you to be the kind of woman that I think God wants us to be. Even though you have had years to work through this abandoment from your Father, my heart breaks for you right now, just hearing about it. It is wonderful that you have a very loving and supportive husband who is always there for you. I pray for comfort and strength for you and for your Father, that he would at least reconsider and reconcile with the daughter who came first in his life.
.-= Melissa Allam´s last blog ..Porcelain Berry Cartons =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 5:08 pm
Holly, let me first say you are incredible, strong and so inspiring to see the positive in everything, and keep on. And I admire you for seeing your father’s faults and accepting him and growing from it. Know that you’re in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you get to relax this weekend. xo
April 16th, 2010 at 5:09 pm
I am so sad to hear about your Dad, Holly. I know this must be so hard even though you are strong and have support – my own parents divorced when I was 9 and my Dad remarried immediately, so I understand some of the emotion you must be feeling surrounding this, it is complicated.
Tell Thorsten to give you a BIG hug from all of your decor8 readers, okay? xo Laura
.-= Laura Gaskill´s last blog ..Sweet Obsessions Friday =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 5:09 pm
Can’t wait to see the book once finished!
My mom is currently undergoing chemo for colon cancer. It’s tough. All the good and bad emotions, memories and desires but hang in there Holly. We’re here.
xoxo
April 16th, 2010 at 5:11 pm
So sorry to hear about your father. I know it was incredibly difficult to write about, but that does help, you know. Thoughts, prayers go out to you.
.-= Lori´s last blog ..blogs that inspire =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 5:15 pm
I’m sending positive thoughts your way. I think you’re an amazing person and you have a wonderful attitude towards life. We all go through things in life and it’s important to keep family and friends close by. Big hugs and lots of love.
April 16th, 2010 at 5:16 pm
Sending best wishes your way.
.-= Priya´s last blog ..Amy Butler’s Midwest Modern sewing patterns giveaway! =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 5:23 pm
Gosh Holly, I don’t know exactly what to say. Only that if I was with you, I’d give you a big HUG! As I think hugs are the best in these situations.
Enjoy your weekend sweet lady.
Peace,
Ann
April 16th, 2010 at 5:26 pm
All I can say is, xoxoxox. Hang in there.
April 16th, 2010 at 5:30 pm
Oh I am so sorry I hope you find some time in the madness of work to just get some peace and gather yourself. Wishing you inner strength.
.-= se7en´s last blog ..The Quickest Pinata in the World in Se7en Steps… =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 5:32 pm
Holly, I’m sorry to hear about your father. I pray you and your family can find peace and strength during this time. You’ve been so strong and full of grace, which we can all admire and strive for. You’re in my thoughts.
.-= Hol´s last blog ..Our 1st Closing! =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 5:37 pm
Wishing you all the best during this difficult time.
April 16th, 2010 at 5:39 pm
Sending mountains of prayers and well wishes your way…
Many Blessings,
Jill
April 16th, 2010 at 5:44 pm
Holly you are GREAT.
xox from argentina.
flo.
April 16th, 2010 at 5:50 pm
Just another email from a faithful reader to say: “You’re amazing.” You have a great attitude and everyday you bring beauty into people’s lives.
You deserve every happiness.
April 16th, 2010 at 5:51 pm
Holly,
I am so sorry. You sound really great and strong. I am praying for you that you have a peaceful, relaxing weekend.
Kate
.-= Kate´s last blog ..Cherry Blossoms and Pink Magnolias… =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 5:54 pm
Holly, I am so sorry to hear this. I cannot imagine what dealing with the relationship side must have been like for you. You are amazing to have been able to carry on with your life and not hold such resentment towards him. I don’t think I could have been that strong.
I do understand dealing with a father who has cancer though. Positive thoughts is my only advice…and take care of you.
.-= Amanda ´s last blog ..Reasons Why Living In Canada Is Awesome =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 5:58 pm
Wishing you the best.
April 16th, 2010 at 6:00 pm
Holly, I am so sorry to read about your father.
I am so glad that you shared this because I have so much respect for you and being a recent bride that had no family on my side at my wedding, it feels comforting to know that similar situations do happen to good people.
( I hope it’s not selfish to write that.)
Good Luck with your book and please know that I miss the Blogging Your Way Class weekly podcasts very much. They were such a nice thing to come and listen to during mid week. Gave me a lot to think about.
April 16th, 2010 at 6:01 pm
Holly,
I am so sorry to hear that. I know you are strong and you will make it through. I wish you comfort on this difficult day, and smiles so sadness never intrudes.
My best wishes.
Petergaye S. Kisielewicz
.-= Petergaye S. Kisielewicz´s last blog ..Wisdom of the day =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 6:17 pm
I just read your post and all I can tell you is that you’re an AMAZING daughter. As a mom, I can’t imagine walking out on my kids and reject them over and over. So for you to to be able to forgive that and now feel sorry for him… well, that is just remarkable. Hang in there!
April 16th, 2010 at 6:19 pm
Sorry to hear about your dad and that you’ve been feeling blue all week. You have a great attitude about the whole thinga and I admire that. I have somewhat similar relationship with my dad, and I completely understand the hurt, and for me sometimes anger. I wish you a lot of success on the book. I’m a new follower of your blog and I absolutely love it. Its very beautiful, soft and inspiring.
April 16th, 2010 at 6:20 pm
You made me cry and all the comments show so many people have had very sad moments in their life. My story is different but also very similar and I blogged about it last year when my Father was diagnosed with cancer. We had been estranged for a long time and had JUST started to rebuild our relationship. It rocked my world in an unexplainable way. He passed away on December 23rd and you know I thought I had healed a little but I have tears streaming down my face as I write this. If you have a moment you may want to read my blog posting, it may make you feel a litle less alone with your current feelings.
http://babushkamamas.blogspot.com/2009_10_01_archive.html
Big Hugs and strength
Janina
April 16th, 2010 at 6:24 pm
I’m so sorry for this news. It must be such a shock and painful, too.
All I can say is that we’re here for you and well done for being so strong!
xx
.-= Polly´s last blog ..I. love. this. dress. 2 =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 6:29 pm
You’re one tough cookie Holly. Chin up and you’ll get through it. Much love to you right now as you deal with your family situation. :)
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Amazing Armstrong Ads =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 6:32 pm
Reading your post made me so sad but also very grateful. You’re ability to deal with the nature of your relationship with your father is inspiring. I would be crushed.
My husband’s father also has cancer and has been going through chemo therapy for about a year now. It’s been challenging for both but they have a close relationship and spend a good deal of time together. Makes me realize how fortunate I am to have close relationships with both of my parents.
I wish you both the emotional and physical strength to get through these tough times. And I can’t wait for the book to come out.
Oh and for the record I live in Hawaii but I am jealous of where you live. Tight quarters can be tough but to live in a thriving community where you can walk or bicycle quaint shops, don mittens and scarves and head out to cute cafés for cozy afternoons and good coffee or just to be surrounded by people who speak another language that’s not pigeon! Have a great weekend!
April 16th, 2010 at 6:35 pm
Oh my – tears. You are a very strong woman to be able to forgive your father for leaving. That forgiveness is probably all he wants at this point. I hope you find a most wonderful photographer and apartment, because you certainly deserve it.. we will all be waiting to purchase and promote your book. Favourite Mug Quote ” A woman is like tea, you never really know how strong she is until she is in hot water.” :)
.-= Anne-Marie´s last blog ..Books That Are Tied Closed..hmm.. =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 6:35 pm
dear holly, you bring so much happiness to other people, not just with the lovely photos, but your sharing, and your kind words of wisdom.
it sounds like your life is full of love, and i’m sure your father loves you too, although he was not able to show it consistently.
a similar thing happened to a friend of mine, and she regretted not making peace with her dad before he died (he had reached out to her). it sounds like you have peace with him, but i would say, as someone whose father died, that you should do what you need for you to deal with this, if you have to see him or anything-just put yourself first. just because someone was an absent dad doesn’t make us love them any less (alas) and your grief will be just as real when he is gone.
all your fans are sending you love and good thoughts, thank you for sharing with us.
xoxo, rebecca
April 16th, 2010 at 6:41 pm
Sending you lots of love and hugs Holly. I can’t even begin to imagine what you must be going through. You have so much strength and courage to share this. I’m sure it was not easy putting the words together. I hope you enjoy and have a lovely weekend.
April 16th, 2010 at 6:47 pm
Holly,
I hope the best for you and I will be sending positive thoughts your way. I also really hope that your father will make a full recovery and be healthy for many years to come. As for feeling a bit blue about being cramped in a small space, I can completely relate! In addition to feeling cramped and wanting a house for extra space, I also have loud neighbors that like to make my life difficult…I think that’s the hardest part for me. Right now I cannot afford to purchase a house, so I just have to remind myself everyday that this is a lesson in my life, and when the time is right I will find the right home. Keep your chin up and big hugs!
April 16th, 2010 at 6:57 pm
I am so sorry for your father !!! But what a wonderful daughter he had lost !!!
I am a big fan of your blog, it´s just one of my favourite´s !!!
Simply beautiful !!!!
From Buenos Aires, Argentina: Keep calm and carry on …. and continue
blogging !!!!
Love !!!
April 16th, 2010 at 7:02 pm
Holly I am sending some love to your family and to your father.
April 16th, 2010 at 7:07 pm
A very supportive saying is “This Too Shall Pass.” I find it very interesting people who can love and forgive others who in turn treat them with so much less love. I admire your strength and fortitude. My father has been non-existent in my life and for me . . . I can’t find forgiveness. The world is round, how a person treats another – good, bad or indifferent, will be what is returned.
On a positive note, can’t wait for your book, I know it will be too, too fabulous!
.-= Viola´s last blog ..Touch and Sensibility – 8 x 8 Fine Art Photograph =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 7:14 pm
Thank you for sharing! I was estranged from my father for 10 years, but it was my choice. He wasn’t who I needed him to be, and it was for my own progress and mental health that I did it. But when he died suddenly 6 years ago, I realized how tough it was not to have had a chance to make peace with him and tell him that no matter how angry I was in the past, I felt nothing but peace and understanding as an adult. That was tough, so I hope your dad reaches out to you and gives you the chance to bridge that gap. You are amazingly positive about it, and I can imagine how hard it must have been to get to that point. But it’s so great that you have creative outlets to keep pushing forward. And wonderful family and friends are so key!
.-= Jackie´s last blog ..Things Cheering Me Up This Week =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 7:15 pm
You’re a remarkable lady. I hope your peace of mind will return soon and your natural ability for resilience and tenacity will carry you through these trying days. Hugs.
.-= Gosia Maj´s last blog ..Le Pain Epi =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 7:21 pm
I am so sorry to hear. I hope things will fall in place. Sometimes the impossible turns to possible. Hang on, keep calm and carry on… <3
I wish you and your father all the best!
.-= Avital´s last blog ..Freebie Friday – Classic Journaling Spots =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 7:22 pm
Awe, Holly… I am so sorry to hear your news. My heart goes out to you, your in Jeff and I’s thoughts and prayers!
and about the apartment… I totally understand how it feels. Living with minimal items is a tough one, hang in there girl!!! =)
.-= Kristi Birchenough´s last blog ..Embrasing Change =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 7:37 pm
Hi! I’m a great fan from you and your blog. I never wrote a comment, but tonight is different! I’m so sorry about the bad news, and good luck! We’ll always be here, every week, to hear about you and your beautiful work!. Thanks a lot. Big Hug from Brazil! Dulci
.-= Dulci Dantas´s last blog ..Cinza é lindo =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 7:53 pm
Sorry to hear about your father. Our prayers are with you.
April 16th, 2010 at 8:05 pm
What wonderful friends you have. Think of the love! I feel a bit reversed from you . . . my dad left early (I was 3) and I got reconnected with him when I was 18. He left and started another family (HOW could he do that?) but I never held it against him. As he was dying of cancer, I went to him. He told me he didn’t “hate” my mother! A man who left 5 children! Imagine that! It was then I realized I gave him too much credit and some fellows are kind of jerks. Really. But, you are you, and, you are different. Yes, there is pain. I wailed like a baby when he died. But, you pick yourself off, and well, you know the cliche. Hugs to you. I am sorry that this has happened.
April 16th, 2010 at 8:10 pm
I am another fatherless child who will someday – soon, I expect, since my father is now 80 years old – hear that same sad news that my father either is dying or has done.
I’m sorry for the pain this is causing you. Hang in there.
xox,
Susan
.-= Susan´s last blog ..accomplishments of polite society =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 8:14 pm
Holly, I’m so sorry. I am glad you shared this information with us and gives us all a chance to get to know you better and what a treat that is…to know you better. You are a wonderful person and it’s wonderful to know you have such a strong support system. My thoughts and prayers are with you. ?
.-= Kristi´s last blog ..things i love thursday: thread =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 8:22 pm
I am so sorry about your dad, Holly. You are an amazing woman and I can tell that you will get through this difficult time even though the clouds might seem grey at the moment.
I am thinking of you xx
.-= Viv´s last blog ..Fashion Friday: Visiting a friend =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 8:25 pm
Hang in there woman. You have many that are sending you love, hope and prayers. We adore and support you and your work. All will be well.
Ashley
.-= Ashley Yazzie´s last blog ..The Scoop. =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 8:28 pm
Oh Holly, I feel your pain. I am with you in spirit as I pray for you and your father…
I also had a very blue week. My daughter was hospitalized. I was scared for my daughter because her platelets started going down. But I held on to my faith and in silence I never wavered in praying for her. The good thing is she was diagnosed with baby measles. She’s home now and we’re back to living normal lives.
April 16th, 2010 at 8:45 pm
I was touched by this post — and I remain unsure of the best way to respond. But I feel compelled — for some reason, to share that my father left when I was 18 — and even in my late 20s — I still struggle to understand where I fit/how I relate to his new life and family.
When I got married, I demanded that he walk me down the aisle and I had my mom alongside me as well — I was determined to assert that for the first 18 years of my life that he was a father to me and that fact meant something (and maybe I was hoping it irritated his new… quite young… wife… maybe).
I cannot imagine how this new illness complicates matters! How heartbreaking and infuriated and nauseating at the same time.
I am confident that this new, and certainly exciting and fulfilling project will help you channel some of these complicated emotions into something beautiful and creative… and I’ll probably buy a copy for my father’s wife… she could learn a thing or two about taste and style. :)
Holding you and your father in the light. I’ll say a prayer/think positive thoughts each time I read your blog.
April 16th, 2010 at 8:47 pm
I am so sorry for the sad news. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
April 16th, 2010 at 9:05 pm
I am so sorry to hear about your Dad.
I just wanted to let you know that I have been living in my in-laws basement for the past year with all of my dear possessions living in a storage unit and I am totally with you about not having your pretties with you. It is draining and make everything difficult. I hope you find a perfect place to showcase your talents and goodies soon.
You inspire me everyday and for that I am so very thankful.
hugs,
Fritzi Marie
.-= Fritzi Marie´s last blog .. =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 9:06 pm
I’m so very, very sorry to hear about your dad…your family is in my thoughts and prayers… *hugs*
.-= tillie´s last blog ..wtf… =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 9:13 pm
I’m so sorry. This just shows what a kind soul you really have, which all of your readers already know! Thinking of you during this tough time.
April 16th, 2010 at 9:13 pm
I am so sorry to hear about your father. I am a new reader and I must say I love what you do. Kepp up the good work and don’t worry with your supporting family and friends bby your side you will pull through this tough time :o)
April 16th, 2010 at 9:29 pm
My sympathies Holly.
xoxo
April 16th, 2010 at 9:37 pm
I’d be happy to work with you on your photography project. I’ve been doing photography for years and love doing naturalist style project photography like the style you feature so often. Happy to help. Thanks, hope you feel better, you give me such inspiration with your posts everyday. :o)
- Kandice
April 16th, 2010 at 9:50 pm
Holly!!! Yes.. you surely need to stay calm and carry on!! But dont you worry… you’ve got all of us… praying for you & your dad.. Its hard!! and words cant make you feel better.. But I’m sure you will gain the strength to go thru this difficult phase…
Take care… and here is a big hug to make you feel better!
.-= Patricia Torres´s last blog ..Co-blogger find (April) =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 10:12 pm
The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever. Isaiah 32:17
May God give you the stregth and peace through this difficult time.
April 16th, 2010 at 10:15 pm
I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. I’ll be thinking about you and your family!
April 16th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
i am really sorry to hear your news and my prayers are with you
April 16th, 2010 at 10:40 pm
Holly, your attitude amazes me…you are a stronger woman than I could ever hope to be.
I wish for you a brilliant photographer, wide open airy spaces with all of your things at your disposal, and peace in your heart.
Sending hugs and prayers…
.-= dianna´s last blog ..Spring =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 10:46 pm
Huge HUGES your way! So sorry to hear about all that is going on. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your hubby! I am excited to hear about the book and look forward to seeing it once it is finished! Have a great weekend!
April 16th, 2010 at 10:47 pm
You are so far along your path than I am on mine. You talk about the measure of character being how one deals with adversity. I would say that you have a great deal of character.
My husband abandoned me and our three children almost nine years ago. We have not seen or heard from him since then. Unfortunately, he had some time of mental breakdown and has not worked, paid child support or seen his children since 2002. It has been quite a painful ordeal.
When I read about your sad situation with your own father, I wished that I could feel as positively as you are able to feel about him. But truthfully, having lived through a similar situation and seeing my daughters’
and son’s pain, I feel offended by his treatment of you.
I just wanted to tell you what I suspect you already know: his sins and shortcomings are not your property. You seem to be an amazingly resilient person who has gone on to achieve so much!
Take care of yourself! Peace!
April 16th, 2010 at 11:03 pm
I am sorry to read about your sad news…. I hope you will take comfort in knowing that you touched many reader’s hearts today…
I appreciate your “pink” posting – it is such an uplifting color – not one I wear, but one that brings a smile to my face.
My weekend will be spent working – Publisher will be my roommate for the weekend – editing & adding graphics, borders & pictures to a work project. Exciting! but also time consuming…
Does your weekend include some R&R?
Chris from silverlinings4me.blogspot.com
April 16th, 2010 at 11:08 pm
Holly, Your sense of maturity and perspective makes you an amazing person. I hope this tragedy helps you get closer to your father. Sending wishes and prayers your way.
April 16th, 2010 at 11:14 pm
Hugs to you Holly!!! :)
.-= Annie´s last blog ..Light =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 11:43 pm
I just want to give you a BIG hug and let you know that I know how that feels, to have your father walk out and away.
I’m sending all my love your way. x
.-= fat mum slim´s last blog ..Do you own a camera? =-.
April 16th, 2010 at 11:47 pm
Holly, this is such sad news and in difficult circumstances. I admire your strength and grace and as some of the others have mentioned, it’s a shame your dad has chosen to miss out on being close to such a kind, generous, talented and adventurous daughter. I hope things work out as best they can for both of you. Look after yourself.
April 16th, 2010 at 11:51 pm
I am really sorry for you to go through this…. must be hard. I hate this disease, since I lost my mom one year ago. I was 36 weeks pregnant. But we are here to support you. I always visit here, but I think I never left a comment. Count on us, lots of XOXOXOXOX. Have a great weekend!
April 17th, 2010 at 12:01 am
As with many of the other commentors, I am in awe of your graciousness, forgiving nature, and peacefulness. I wish you all the best throughout this difficult time, and hope that (as you said) some sort of personal growth can come from this experience in the end. Life is so challenging sometimes, and navigating it with a beautiful attitude like yours is something I admire greatly.
xoxox Holly.
April 17th, 2010 at 12:04 am
Oh, Holly. I’m so, so sorry about your dad. I hope some peace comes your way soon.
.-= Meredith´s last blog ..Rooms in Progress =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 12:51 am
I cannot even begin to tell you how sorry I am to hear such heart-wrenching news, Holly. I wish you all the love and strength needed to deal with this.
My heart and thoughts are with you.
Hugs, Nancy
April 17th, 2010 at 2:06 am
Hi Holly, I’m blown away by your honesty, I’m really sorry to hear about your dad, especially when you are in such a difficult position with regards your relationship with him…
And I really hope your living situation improves, I just moved at xmas, and I had my boxes in my parents garage for a couple of years. Hopefully it wont be as long for you, but hang in there…it’ll be worth the wait!
PS. Really really looking forward to your book! :-)
April 17th, 2010 at 2:39 am
I’m sorry about all this situation, Holly. You know, sometimes it’s a good idea to say what you think. Do you have his address? I’d write him a letter and let him know all this. That you’re sad. That you’re ready to support him.
It won’t be long before you find your flat, believe me. Just don’t let initial ‘difficulties’ stop you.
Many hugs
.-= Frau Mayer´s last blog ..Wallpaper decisions =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 2:52 am
Hi Holly, Stay strong! You are a beautiful Person (imho) and can get through anything. Cancer in the family is tough to watch, this I know, and must be hardest at a ten-foot reach. Hopefully you can find peace through it; thoughts and prayers are with you. On a lighter note, as well said by Daft Punk: Harder Better Faster Stronger. Hang in there gorgeous.
April 17th, 2010 at 3:02 am
I’m so sorry to hear this news.
Like others have commented, it’s brave and difficult to speak about something so personal.
.-= nyc/caribbean ragazza´s last blog ..Flashback Friday – Mad Men crew sings – Bye Bye Birdie =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 3:02 am
I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad’s illness and the pain he’s caused you. Families are so complicated. It’s so hard to understand why people make the decisions they do. Enjoy those loving people around you today. Hope things feel better soon.
.-= Sandi´s last blog ..Appreciating what we have =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 3:34 am
sorry friend. =(
.-= juliette´s last blog ..Roadtrip 2010: dream Helsinki =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 4:39 am
So sorry for your pain Holly xo
April 17th, 2010 at 4:49 am
I’m so sorry to hear about your father. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
And I’m so excited about your book, I’m looking forward to see it! :)
Wishing you a nice and relaxing weekend!
April 17th, 2010 at 4:53 am
I am very sorry to hear about your dad, darling. Thank you also for sharing your story with us, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders :)
On a brighter note, those are very lovely photos and having the book to look forward to is wonderful. And once you have a larger space, you won’t know what to do with yourself for the joy of decorating!!
Have a great weekend and try not to feel too blue. A little bit, OK… but not too much, K? ;)
.-= Diana´s last blog ..Lovely Lavendar Dreams & Wishes… =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 4:56 am
Dear Holly, I am really sorry about your sad news…
At first I would only visit your blog for the photos, but now I really enjoy to read what you write! You make it really interesting! I also loved your interview!
Anyway, since you are looking for interior photographers, I felt like helping you and I would like to share with you some photographers I stumbled upon. They do great work, maybe you know them already…
http://barbarafritz.com/
http://gemmacomas.com/
Paula :-)
April 17th, 2010 at 5:08 am
I’m a homesick New Zealander living in England and when my lovely yummy dad got cancer, I wasn’t in a position to go home and give him a cuddle…but he is over it now and doing very well, I can’t bear to think of any other outcome. I also live in a teeny place with boxes stacked in a spare room, so everytime I get an idea…I have to shove things around & find stuff…not a very creative environ. But hey…I have lots of love & joy in my life, as you seem to, so you’ll be okay babe and best wishes to you dad! : )
April 17th, 2010 at 6:00 am
Holly,
I love reading your blog so much and you inspire so many of us. With regards to the flat and lack of space, I know it is difficult, but make sure when you do have free time that you get out and about and that way you may not feel so confined in the flat. Sometimes it is hard to seperate work, study and personal time but it is something we all need to do- the whole work life balance thing is very important. I’m very sorry to hear of your dad’s illness but remember there are so many people with cancer and they live for years and years, it is so very common now I think everyone of us has experienced what it is like to hear of someone close to them with this illness. Keep thinking positive and hope for the best :) I understand though its like absence makes the heart grow fonder and the uncertainty is difficult to live with. Hope you have a good weekend and make sure you do lots of nice things :)
All things nice…
.-= Ashling´s last blog ..Some Spring Time Inspiration…. :o) =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 6:20 am
Dear, I’m sorry to hear that! I hope that you have the strength to deal with this situation and I am pretty sure you do. It made me a bit sad that your dad didn’t walk you down the isle but life is disappointing sometimes and the fact that you deal with this so well speaks a lot about the person you are. I’m sending you a big hug, dear! xo
.-= Iva´s last blog ..Happy Friday! =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 6:21 am
Holly, you are much loved! Take it easy, and keep smiling ;-))
.-= Janine´s last blog ..Happy Weekened! =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 6:40 am
Holly, you have a wonderful inner strength that is so admirable… many hugs to you…
emma x
.-= emma lamb´s last blog ..a sunny day… (part 2) =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 7:43 am
I am so sorry to hear about your father…my heart goes out to you. No matter what our parents do or say, they are still our parents and we cannot help but love them.
And hope you get a bigger place soon…a small move and decorating will do you good!
April 17th, 2010 at 8:15 am
Dear Holly
Hugs to you and sorry to hear about your Dad’s condition. May the strength from God be with you and your family.
Take care.
.-= Marilyn´s last blog ..Daddy’s love =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 8:44 am
I am sorry to hear about your father, Holly. I’m thinking of you, knowing all sorts of good and positive things are meant for you!
.-= liza´s last blog ..Beautiful Weekend =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 8:54 am
Dear Holly, i wish you all the love and strength in the world in these hard times! Never forget, that people can still have flowers growing and birds singing in the garden of their hearts, even when the heart is full of pain!
And if your are so sad, that you can not see the flowers and hera the birds that are singing inside you, I am sure that Thorsten is standing by your side and beeing an angel! I also have a man like that, and he helps me through emotional storms. We are so blessed!
Take care, be good and gentle to yourself. You deserve it!
April 17th, 2010 at 9:01 am
Just a few suggestions for possible photographers. Virginia MacDonald, Janis Nicolay, and possibly Debra Thier.
Wishing you a weekend of inspiration & sunshine !
April 17th, 2010 at 9:28 am
Holly, I am glad (but amazed!) to learn that you read all your comments, b/c I really want to convey to you my sympathy as well as my admiration. Obviously I don’t know the details of your family history, but as I read your brief description of your father’s decisions, I felt so amazed by your attitude & ability to move on. I know I would be bitter bitter bitter & not be able to get over it, if I were in your situation. But your ability to move forward, to say kind things, & to have the attitude you do—-what a good person you obviously are. I am sorry about this difficult news–& the apartment issues–but I wish you all the best.
April 17th, 2010 at 9:49 am
Long time reader, first time poster.
Holly – you are the EPITOME of grace. Best wishes.
April 17th, 2010 at 10:04 am
Im so sorry for your sad news Holly! You are such a wonderful giving person, and Im touched by your honesty. I am also amazed at how giving and kind you are! You make me want to be better!
I hope you are able to find a great apartment soon, its just out there waiting round the corner, about to become available! Sending love xx
.-= Kaili´s last blog ..What you can make with your dad’s old art stuff =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 10:08 am
I usually don’t comment on many blogs that I read, but your story made me want to tell you…. thank you. What an intimate thing to share with the world. Your strength and grace are truly inspiring. Regardless of what your father has or has not done for you, your mother has raised and amazing woman. She must be so proud.
I am the child of a second marriage. My half sisters are much older than me (My father is 11 years older than my mother) but, as far as I have ever witnessed, my father has tried to do nothing but provide for them and love them their whole lives. Yet, they still have difficulty having a meaningful relationship with him (and no relationship with my mother). I cannot relate to what you, or they, feel. It must be an indescribable conflict. I only wish that if I am faced with a situation as you have been faced with, that I can find the peace you seem to have within you.
April 17th, 2010 at 10:45 am
I am really sorry about your dad, I will send a prayer down your way and the best wishes for his health.
On the photographer side, I do marketing for a fantastic architectural photographer that has been featured in many magazines. His name is Mike Butler. you would love his work… let me know if you are interested and I’ll introduce you two
Happy happy weekend… and remember that faith moves mountains!
.-= Punctuation Mark´s last blog ..Ready for the Weekend! =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 11:02 am
Holly You are a remarkable person. To have the wisdom to see the big picture. All the life lessons we have are so about who we are and what we choose do with them. Truly you have taken a most devastating life challenge (there is no pain like when a parent abandons a child, not through death but through selfishness). It has made you such a warm open giving person that emanates through your writings and blog. Thank you. And know your love and concern for your Dad does not go unnoticed.
Now the space thing. Oh you need that!!!! Soon I hope. I have been there before and it is hard. Not having your beloved and everyday Objects of affection around you. In the meantime keep working on that amazing book. I know I can’t wait to have it in my hands:) Best wishes, Cynthia
.-= Cynthia ´s last blog ..Getting Ready (week in the life) and a DIY Studio inspo frames…. =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 11:02 am
you are an amazing person, full of grace and love. i am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing. thanks for sharing.
April 17th, 2010 at 11:20 am
Oh Holly. Sorry to hear about your Dad. I wish you some level of a relationship. My grandfather stopped being a part of my mother’s life when my grandma died — my mom was only 6 years old. Her father no longer had anything to do with any of the kids (5). My mom and her brother (the youngest kids still at home) were raised by their Aunt & Uncle. Once my mom became an adult, moved out and got married at the age of 21, she decided to build a relationship with her dad. He killed himself before she got that opportunity. Breaks my heart.
My hope is that you’re able to continue to reach out to your dad at some level — before it’s too late. His love for you never ceased. How could it? Maybe a letter to him would be an option. I wish you the best and hope your father survives this bout with cancer.
Genelle
.-= Genelle´s last blog ..Mini Cards, Green and Brown =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 11:55 am
Holly! Babe! I’m so sorry to hear about your dad! I know how you feel, my father had cancer 8 years ago and the moment I heard the news was devastating! My father did beat the cancer and he is healty today. I am SO wishing and hoping the same for your father!
Be strong Holly and there’s a friend in Holland thinking of you!
Big fat hug!
Natascha xoxo
.-= Natascha ´s last blog ..Fab find! Porcelain by El ajuar de Maria =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 12:24 pm
Your story is like a mirror to me. My parents divorced when I was a teenager, and some years later I also found out about my dad’s cancer which was also a shock. I am also living in a tiny place with unpacked boxes until I can move to my own place. thanks for sharing and thanks for Jackie’s photos, she’s a great inspiration for us in Kireei.com, I’ve attended her online photography course which was great.
.-= Cris´s last blog ..John Bauer =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 12:42 pm
a big hug for you, Holly X
April 17th, 2010 at 12:46 pm
So sorry to hear your bad news Holly. Lots of love and hugs from Greece.
.-= Stratos´s last blog ..Container – art, activities, space, now opening in Thessaloniki =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 12:52 pm
Hi Holly-
I just want to send you a virtual hug. You are amazing and inspiring- I am not sure I would be able to forgive my Father if I were you. Your wedding day is the most special day is a girl’s life, and shame on your Father for not being there and supporting you.
From reading the comments, your story touched so many. Thanks for sharing. I hope your dad does well with his treatment, and is around a long time to realize how special you are.
Andy
.-= Andy Mathis´s last blog ..Maggie – Another Stray Looking for A Home =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 1:06 pm
Hi Holly. I’m so sorry to hear your news. You have such a huge heart. Thank you for sharing these big feelings here with us, it makes me feel good to know that there are people out there who are willing to still love the ones who have hurt them. I hope your father will be okay.
Lisa
April 17th, 2010 at 1:07 pm
Holly, I’m sorry to hear about your dad’s diagnosis – I hope he makes it through ok.
I have a close relative that I haven’t had a relationship with for several years, so I know maybe a *teeny* bit how you must feel — although I imagine it would be especially painful to feel such rejection from a parent. I can’t imagine how much that must hurt. Good for you for getting past it with such grace. You’ve gone on to build for yourself the life you always wanted — you’re an inspiration!
xo,
Lisa
.-= lisah.´s last blog ..Window Treatment Month begins! One down, three to go! =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 1:35 pm
I am very sorry about your father. I hope everything works out the way you need it to.
As for your book dilemma have you ever seen Susan McWhinney’s work? It is really nice.
http://www.susanmcwhinney.com/home.html
April 17th, 2010 at 1:46 pm
What a difficult time this must be for you.
Thinking of you.
.-= Cassia Beck´s last blog ..Set of Four Postcards – Camera Love =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 1:47 pm
I am so sorry to hear to read about about your dad. My love goes out to you. I am sending you a big, big hug and wishing that you find some peace and happiness.
x
April 17th, 2010 at 1:48 pm
Dear Holly,
I am at present stranded on a beautiful carribean island with my extended family thanks to the Icelandic volcano eruption. I was missing home until I read your blog. Love to you and yours,
Nicola x
April 17th, 2010 at 1:50 pm
Holly, I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. I was touched by your gracious spirit that came through in talking about your relationship with him – knowing that his choices had nothing to do with you and being able to move past it and be there for him must have been hard yet you talk about this with such compassion and strenght. Thanks for sharing this! You’re an inspirations in so many ways!
.-= Jadyn´s last blog ..Friday Thoughts on Walking to the Beat of Your Own Drum =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 2:24 pm
Sorry to hear about your Dad. I admire your strength for still caring so much about someone who has done less than a Dad should do.( Being kind). My Dad done basically the same thing and i can’t get past the pain and it has been 30 years. You are one special person and the loss is his. I do hope that he gets better.
April 17th, 2010 at 2:46 pm
As someone who has helped her sister through surgery to remove cancer this very week, I can empathize with you. Family is so dear and it hurts so much when they are hurt. Be strong and let yourself relax every once in a while.
April 17th, 2010 at 3:12 pm
I was so sorry to hear of your Dad’s diagnosis. I know all too well the pain of hearing that a parent is grievously ill. Keep in mind that life is about choices–your Dad has chosen his own path, which, sadly, he has chosen not to include you. By comparison, you have chosen to keep your heart open when it comes to your Dad.
You are courageous and loving in your choice. Hope you find some respite this weekend. And regarding the photographer, you will discover him/her very soon. I have confidence in you!
April 17th, 2010 at 3:18 pm
Sad news you bring and also very freely spoken from you about the subject (hope that is the way to say it in English). I hope you feel as good as possible.
And thanks for asking, we are stuck on Mallorca, no plane home. And I do actually not mind.
I hope you find a photographer for your project. I long for it to be available.
.-= Caroline´s last blog ..Citysnapshots =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 3:21 pm
When you’re at the bottom of the hole, there’s no other place to go than up! I hope everything gets better for you! I lost my job a month ago, but I’m hopeful something will open up soon! Keep smiling and doing amazing work! I love your blog!!!
April 17th, 2010 at 3:30 pm
So sorry to hear about the bad news,but also amazed by your wonderful attitude!Life has always good and bad moments.it’s up to us how we will deal with them!
Hugs
Eve
April 17th, 2010 at 3:34 pm
I’m so sorry for your news. I too have issues with my father…he doesn’t accept my fiance for who he is and doesn’t accept me for who I am either… and I just plain HATE him. Stay strong though and keep smiling, we’re all here for you! :)
.-= SirenOfFire´s last blog ..SirenOfFire: @bookieboo ummm? lol =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 3:50 pm
Dear Holly,
I’m so sorry for your news. I send you all my love and a big hug!!!! A warm bear hug!!!!
.-= Georgina´s last blog ..la mañana =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 3:53 pm
So sorry to hear your tragic news Holly, stay strong you are such a vibrant talented lady….we gain inspiration from you everyday. God Bless xxx
April 17th, 2010 at 4:29 pm
So sorry to hear that your Dad has cancer, it’s such an terrible disease. Best wishes on your apartment hunting, and your book.
.-= Penny Patten´s last blog ..treehouse « KRISATOMIC =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 4:39 pm
So sorry to hear about your Dad. I lost mine and it’s hard…I send you all my love and a big warm hug.Love from Argentina
.-= Patricia´s last blog ..Tiffany =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 4:47 pm
Fathers! I do hope your father is able to heal and pull through his cancer.
I am glad you found a way to make peace with your father. It took me many years, truthfully only after he died did I really heal. I’m sending you a big hug. I do hope your father and you will be able to talk face to face again.
Glad to hear the news on your growing project..you have a fab weekend, Holly.
.-= Shell´s last blog ..My Favorite things =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 5:32 pm
Oh hugs Holly
so sorry to read that about your dad and all you had to come to terms with regarding him being absent in your life and about his illness now. You write so much from the heart about it all, it can’t be easy to share like that with so many readers and friends (175 comments and counting!) but I hope everyones wishes and supportive words have been a tonic to you sweetheart.
It is v true what you say about navigating the tough times, often it’s through those that we grow and then come to appreciate the good times all the deeper.
Your book is going to be fab, I’m sure the right photographer will
come along, all in the flow.
Take care, lotsa love kat xox
.-= Kat´s last blog ..Stepping into a Secret Garden =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 6:30 pm
Just adding my sympathy to the pot–I, too, had a difficult relationship with my father, and he, too, got cancer. I had not spoken to him for more than 15 years when he died. It was tough and tragic and hard on all involved. You will figure out how to best navigate the situation–you have to do what works best for you, don’t listen to all the ‘shoulds’ that will get thrown at you. You have to be at peace with your life and your decisions.
Throw yourself into your book project. Having worked on a books before, it is massive and overwhelming, but there is nothing as satisfyingly permanent as being published!
I’m new to your blog and enjoying it very much–you have a great eye.
April 17th, 2010 at 6:50 pm
Dear Holly, at first I read this I was so enraged your father could behave this way, however, it soon became evident that his poor character had not passed onto you (perhaps kudos to your mum here) and you have such grace in handling (and talking about) such a tragic part of your life. You give me inspiration, I cant tell you how much my father has disappointed me in life, and I’m afraid I could never move on from that the way you have, I am indeed inspired to hear of your way tho. Good luck with your future, although it’s clear you don’t need luck! Annie
.-= Annie@A View on Design´s last blog ..The real "Somersby" =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 7:20 pm
may all this love from all of us give you strength, surround you with peace and know that we all share bits and pieces with you. hugs.xx00xx.
.-= jessica´s last blog .. =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 7:37 pm
You must have had alot a love in your life to make you so strong with all the trials you’ve had in your life. Hope everything worlds out for the best.
April 17th, 2010 at 7:54 pm
Wow!
I would love to think that I could be as brave, and grounded and forgiving as you! I like to try and think of things from other peoples perspective when they’ve upset me or the ones I love (which annoys the crap out of hubby (expecially when he wants me to just nod and say ‘yes he was a bastad’ and i say ‘yeah but maybe he was thinking this…’)) but I dont think I could every be as brave, or as calm as you!
I think you must be very strong and very zen ((:)!?) I can imagine it’s all very confusing and jarring to move on and then be jolted back by news that he his sick. I wish and hope for the both of you!
And I’m sure the perfect apartment will come along soon – clouds have silver lineings – I’ll look forward to seeing you turn it into a home!! All the best. Take care, and I eagerly await more news of the book
*
.-= katetie´s last blog ..Shareing the Love =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 7:58 pm
I’m so sorry to hear about your father’s health. I’m sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.
All my best to you :)
Sunny
April 17th, 2010 at 7:58 pm
Sorry to hear about your father, sending you some uplifting energy. Your blog is so beautiful and is always an inspiration for me to look at with all the beautiful vibrant colourful photos!
April 17th, 2010 at 8:24 pm
I was sad to hear about your father, both his cancer and his decision long ago to cut you out of his life. However, your posting also made me feel very positive. You have such a wonderful attitude and you’re so strong. I’ve had my fair share of pain the last few years dealing with a chronic illness and this last week has been bad. Reading your post, made me really feel that we can overcome the tough times and that we also grow from these experiences. Take care!
.-= jacaranda Designs´s last blog ..Floral Cream Pearl and Silver Earrings =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 8:39 pm
Holly, I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard and strange this must be for you. I’m praying for you and your Dad. {{Big hugs}}
.-= Traveling Mama´s last blog ..a new {sofa} =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 8:52 pm
Oh Holly! I’m sorry to hear your sad news. Please know that I said a prayer for your father today. I’m sending you a big hug and the wish that you will be strong and that everything will fall into place in due time. Take care :)
.-= claire´s last blog ..Never Lose A Page Again =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 9:06 pm
Many, many hugs to you. You are strong and these times may be tough, I can’t even imagine, but my heart goes out to you.
Your book is going to be great! I can’t wait!! Just keep pushing on, each day comes with a good and thankful surprise (no matter how big or small)- you just have to find it :)
April 17th, 2010 at 9:16 pm
Holly, sorry to hear what you’re going through with your father, it must be hard to juggle all the emotions (both good and bad) without feeling overwhelming stress. But as always, you are such a thoughtful person, you write from such an honest place and your optimism will carry you through! Best of luck with the photographer search, I’m so so looking forward to the book!
.-= Liza´s last blog ..Jake Stangel’s Florida WWOOF photographs =-.
April 17th, 2010 at 9:59 pm
I am so sorry to hear this news. Father/daughter relationships are so important and can wreak havoc on your self-esteem, view towards men, etc. if they are not ideal relationships. But, obviously you’ve overcome this. The very best to you and your dad.
Hang in there!
Deb
.-= Deb´s last blog ..Let the Good Times Roll! =-.
April 18th, 2010 at 12:35 am
I’m so sorry to hear about your father’s diagnosis. I know you must be feeling very sad and we, your blog readers, are all here for you. Hugs…and more hugs
April 18th, 2010 at 1:19 am
Holly – keep up that strength and positivity that you show x
April 18th, 2010 at 2:02 am
I’m so sorry to read the news about your dad Holly, but your maturity and strength is inspiring. Sending a big hug on over!
.-= Brooke H´s last blog ..New to my shop: Marie Antoinettes =-.
April 18th, 2010 at 2:37 am
Holly, such difficult news and likely more so for the time you have not been able to spend together. Sounds like you have done an incredible job trying to understand all of the emotions that have come with the experience you’ve had and should feel so good about just letting yourself feel, learn and grow.
Our thoughts are with you and your family, thinking of you and wishing the best.
While your home set up is not as you want it to be, just know that soon enough that will change, and fresh flowers, a walk in the neighborhood and an updated inspiration board can make a world of difference..
April 18th, 2010 at 2:39 am
Prayer heals and miracles do happen. Thanks for sharing your life – our thoughts are with you.
April 18th, 2010 at 2:42 am
I’m sorry hearing this and sending you strength and energy in order to cope with this news. You are one strong woman not to judge him for leaving your family and still wishing him well and be there for him now in times of needs. I think that’s wonderful and I wish you all the best and I’m certain you’ll do great at this book project. xo, Lou
.-= luisa´s last blog ..Quote of the week =-.
April 18th, 2010 at 3:52 am
My thoughts are with you…
April 18th, 2010 at 4:34 am
Rejection is never easy, especially from someone that’s suppose to be family, right?
My father have just “woken up” after a lifetime of being a alcoholic and he knows nothing about me and my life eventhough he has been there for me and slowly he is starting to feel things and ask me about my life, it is like finally having someone resembling a dad and to me it feels very strange (I am 27)
I say family is the people you choose to have around you, the one’s who are always there to catch you when you fall and be happy with you when it goes well. I’m sure you already know this ;)
April 18th, 2010 at 4:53 am
Holly,
I am ALWAYS reading your blog and I always enjoy what you write. Today you blew me away with your post.
You are a strong,talented lady who deserves ONLY the best. People make decisions we do not understand, they shape us and make us who you are today.
Your book will be sensational,you will find a place to live and your sad news is sad.I was so touched to hear you say”I felt amazingly peaceful and not at all sad — I knew at that moment that I had moved forward and have felt at peace ever since.”. It made me cry. It is a shame he is missing out on such a talented daughter,and your husband must be so proud of you and the way you have chosen to rise above and move on.
Things like that only make you stronger and I wish you every success you deserve. xx
April 18th, 2010 at 5:38 am
Holly you are so right to let go of past hurt but can i just say Wow. Not many of us are able to do this with such grace. Wishng you and your hubby well.
.-= Mel Design Heaven´s last blog ..More pictures of the Paris apartment =-.
April 18th, 2010 at 6:14 am
Thanks for sharing this moment! Life isn`t always easy, sometimes we are not prepared to deal with sad news, but they make us grow. Everything is gone be okay! My thoughts are with you! I wish you all the best and I hope that you`ll find your home soon! Anxious for your book!
April 18th, 2010 at 6:15 am
Sorry to hear your news Holly. You give such a lot to people through your lovely blog, but take time to be kind to yourself.
BTW, I can identify with your apartment situation – myself and the mister both work from home in a tiny 1-bed flat – thank goodness the broom cupboard was big enough to fit in desk in it. It’s good to blow off steam now and again.
Hugs to you.
April 18th, 2010 at 7:20 am
Holly, I’m so sorry to hear about the news of your Dad. My Dad has been battling cancer and surgeries for almost a year now. While my Dad has not been distant, we’ve been having our own issues over the past few years. My thoughts are with you. :o) (((hugs)))
.-= Cheryl´s last blog ..spring blooms =-.
April 18th, 2010 at 7:37 am
just sorry for your pain :-(((
as for my week here in paris, it started well with one of my sister coming from very far to spend a fortnight and ended a bit sad because my other sister could’nt do the same thing (thanks to the cloud :-(((((
let’s hope this week will be softer….
amicalement
Fati
.-= Fati´s last blog ..Un ours à l’Atelier =-.
April 18th, 2010 at 8:37 am
I`m so sorry to hear about your dad.. take care of yourself :)
I hope everything will be alright soon!
.-= ThiliBlooms´s last blog ..Positive Feedback and a New Feature! =-.
April 18th, 2010 at 11:38 am
It is early Sunday evening in Cape Town, and I am busy doing some work, and I always look forward to seeing my update from you in my inbox!! (Sadly I have to admit that sometimes I only have time to look at the photos…. they brighten up my day.
Today I read your blog, and I am so sad to hear your very sad news. All I can say is that I hope you know how much joy you bring into peoples lives with your beautiful blog, and I know that each and every person that have been touched by a beautiful photo or something beautiful you have written will think of you in these times. I am sending you lots of positive energy and my prayers every day. I pray that your Father will allow you to spend some time with him, so that he will experience a little bit of the magic that his daughter brought to many people around the world!!
April 18th, 2010 at 12:06 pm
You are so right, strength of character does come from how we handle adversity and difficult times. Keep the faith in yourself and let this give you the inner strength to do great things.
You have a strong following of e-friends here and if we were all there I think you would be amazed by the love and support that surrounds you. Thanks for the gift you give us everyday of this little peak into your life, thoughts and creative spirit.
.-= manette´s last blog ..Indian Inspired Aqua Blue Sea Glass Necklace =-.
April 18th, 2010 at 12:24 pm
Oh my gosh, Holly. Your post makes me cry. I will pray that you and your father can re-connect, and that this will heal the wounds of the past. Even if he doesn’t tell you, I’m sure he’s very proud of your success.
.-= Cathy Nichols´s last blog ..Dancing at the Northport Artwalk =-.
April 18th, 2010 at 1:34 pm
Holly – I’m so sorry for the heartbreaks this week. I have the same relationship with my Dad since he left when I was 10. He also did not walk me down the aisle & it took years for me to realize that it really wasn’t me, it’s him and move on and be happy without him. It’s so difficult to love someone and not have them want a relationship. Your Dad is missing out, as is mine! Good luck with the apartment as well, hope things are looking up soon!
April 18th, 2010 at 2:55 pm
I am so sorry for your news but so amazed at your ability to cope so well without your father in your life. You are someone to be greatly admired and if your father could read these comments he would know what he has missed.
April 18th, 2010 at 2:59 pm
I’m so sorry to hear your news, my heart goes out to you.
.-= Jutta´s last blog ..Mansikki The Destoroyah =-.
April 18th, 2010 at 3:07 pm
I can hear the concern and sadness in your words… first thoughts that came up while reading your post was ‘just phone him. tell him how much you love him’. just do it. don’t think about it… whatever the outcome… i get the feeling you need to tell him how much you love him.
you are an exceptional woman, brave and strong and open, but in times like these, you want to be a little girl, to sit on his lap, hold his hand and tell him ‘that all is going to be ok’.
thinking of you (and him) xx
April 18th, 2010 at 3:47 pm
Wow. I could have written this post myself (except for the talented book bit – talking of which I know a fabulous photographer, let me know if you’re still searching. He’s really amazing).
On the house front. Im in the same situation I was in a tiny place, now sold it, but have not a bigger place, so Im of no fixed abode with my life in storage. thank fully, I have just had an offer accepted for a house so within 3 months will have a home. Since last August, like you, I have been frustrated and stressed….
My sincere condolences about your dad. I never knew mine. He got a new family and that was it with us. He left when I was one. He died the Christmas before last. I never met him. I turned up to his funeral and couldn’t go in. I felt like my choice of whether to meet him and address my issued was now gone. And to be honest, it made things a lot easier.
I wish you well, and hope everything gets back on track for you as soon as xx
.-= Claire´s last blog ..House Update =-.
April 18th, 2010 at 4:28 pm
Holly, it’s to your credit that you allow yourself to feel…even when it doesn’t feel so good. Your humanity is a great source of strength and life.
I wish you well!
- Shari Berkowitz
April 18th, 2010 at 4:37 pm
I love that you feel no anger towards him because it would be so easy to get caught up by hate and negativity and that you have your head screwed on. You are happy and positive by nature and therefore it gives you strength to deal with life’s crazy stuff. This is the best gift you can be blessed with and the biggest thing i would like to pass down to my kids.
The book will be great. It will all fall into place. A little bit of worry will give it a great energy. And show you care!
As for your house. We recently moved into our dream home after selling one last year and having to move in with the in laws. All very stressful and living in extremely tight conditions and out of boxes…i totally get that. Fingers crossed for a successful outcome.
x
.-= Tracey Chalk´s last blog ..FAVOURITE BLOG FRIDAY =-.
April 18th, 2010 at 4:53 pm
i’m sorry to hear about you father, holly…it must be a great relief to have so many positive things in your life right now to carry you through. i’m sure your father knows that your thoughts are with him! all the best in this difficult time!
April 18th, 2010 at 6:19 pm
So sorry about your sad news. I hope work continues to keep you out of your head. Hugs!
April 18th, 2010 at 7:58 pm
Bless your heart, may this bring a season of healing for you and your father.
Grace,
-Carmen Rose
April 18th, 2010 at 8:03 pm
I lost my father when I was 19. I always felt emotional to hear stories about daughter and father relationships. This one really broke my heart. First of all I wish him the best. It must be hard on you, him and his family. You have such a great heart and peaceful personality. He will definitely need you and you will need him. You will be in my thoughts!
April 18th, 2010 at 8:42 pm
when things get hard like this i often think of this quote,
“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ~Kahlil Gibran”
this quote always reminds me to focus on the positive moments in my life and to realize that life is flow through good and bad, happy and sad.
.-= Emma´s last blog ..Hello! Neighbour – Paul & Rachel =-.
April 18th, 2010 at 8:52 pm
I have totally been slacking when it comes to commenting. I love your blog and the thought that is put into each post. I’ve been thinking of you this weekend and hope you’re doing okay. I’m glad you have the book to keep you occupied. And I can totally relate to being stuck in a small space. Living out of boxes can be so disheartening.
April 18th, 2010 at 9:23 pm
Well, I thought I had a bad week, but really, I’ve got nothing.
Sending strength for the difficult times ahead… Good luck with all your projects! Am looking forward to hearing all about it.
April 18th, 2010 at 10:07 pm
Hello! My obsession for design blogs only recently came about. This is one of the first Decor8 posts I have read in a while, and boy am I glad I read it.
You are undoubtedly going through a tough time– much harder than my week of class and prepping for (or avoiding) finals. Your openness to sharing with us and your positive outlook are inspiring (so are the lovely design-related info, of course). It looks like you have lots of love around you, love that you have earned!
With warmth.
p.s. I know what you mean about tough living situations! I have broken down about my place of living for years and years. I couldn’t wait to finally put some in boxes. Now that the boxes have been sitting around since fall, I miss my stuff. Our lives will be more organized and more peaceful soon enough.
April 18th, 2010 at 10:40 pm
I was going to say some nice words to you, but the 200 comments you’ve received so far say pretty much what I wanted to tell you.
I’m really sorry about these news:/
I don’t comment regularly, but I do follow your work and in my opinion you’re doing a brilliant job. Hang on to it. Has my mom always says “it gets worse before it gets better”, so hang on, cause there’s light in the end of the tunnel dear Holly*
.-= Sofia´s last blog ..Back! =-.
April 18th, 2010 at 11:42 pm
So sorry that you had such sad news. Sending peaceful thoughts your way.
.-= Anali´s last blog ..CupcakeCamp Boston 2010 – A Smashing Success! =-.
April 19th, 2010 at 12:59 am
Hej Holly,
I m brazilian that lives in Sweden… I read your blog and I love the so good atmosphere that I Can take here… I think I never left coments, but today is a exception…
I don t know if is this… but reading what you said about your father and you is like you suffered for his lost one time very hardly… when we can not have the relation with our parents is so sad for us that the suffering is like a dead.
Now you don t know, but all the time this word cancer is so hard and put us in one movement for being prepare to wait the worse…
I hope, with my hurt, that your father can recover him self, but I hope too that you can make peace with your self about this… I know this feeling…
I had a bad relation with my father for years and one day he just left… so I was so sad so sad because I would like to tell him a lot of words… how much I loved him… but I didnt have time…
I don t know you, I m not your friend… I dont speak (or write) good in your language but I would like to say if you can Holly try to speak with him… just say all this that we told us… just say that despite everything you felt a lot this cancer… and you sorry…
I m sure that this could be really really good for him and for you.
And great week for you!
Sonia
April 19th, 2010 at 1:46 am
dear Holly. i was so sad to read this. my Dad was diagnosed with cancer in January this year. it was a huge shock and really quite traumatic for my family. but as the weeks have passed, we’ve grown used to the idea and it’s now something that we’ve all accepted and are dealing with in our own ways.
every now and then it still shocks me that we are a “cancer family” now. but that is how it is.
i admire your strength and your forgiving attitude. you’re a great woman, Holly!
.-= lindsey clare´s last blog ..Melbourne snaps =-.
April 19th, 2010 at 4:04 am
Hi Holly
Sorry for the sad news. If you really have a certain emptiness / bitterness towards you and your dad’s distanced relationship, do not hesitated, contact and meet him now. Do not have regrets at your heart and seize your chance.
Every one is a little girl / boy at their hearts who need parents.
.-= ju ju be´s last blog ..Salad for dinner =-.
April 19th, 2010 at 4:23 am
I’m struggling what to say, but I want to say something…
So I’m just going to blow you a kiss… x
.-= Lucy´s last blog ..A ‘LOVE’ly video from Amy Butler. =-.
April 19th, 2010 at 4:40 am
Dear Holly, thank you for speaking with such honesty – and what an inspiration you are for your courage, and grace. You’ve really moved and touched me – that’s when you realise how wonderful a (completely beautiful) blog like this can be… Thank you for making us feel a little less alone – and I hope you feel all of us supporting you too. Here’s to more people like you in the world! Jx
April 19th, 2010 at 4:51 am
So sorry to hear about your Dad, Holly…
.-= winston´s last blog ..Rental Renos 2 – Adding more Colour and Pattern =-.
April 19th, 2010 at 7:02 am
Dear Holly:
You rock, you are an inspiration to me, and reading such a beautiful, sad and personal post made me confirm this idea. I’m really sorry for your dad and like you say, thank god for the book, you deserve wonderful things in your life.
Thank you for opening your heart to us!
Dana
.-= Dana´s last blog ..Keep Calm =-.
April 19th, 2010 at 8:13 am
I’m so sorry to hear the story of your father. And more sorry Im to hear that he has cancer. Holly, you’re by all means an amazing woman. You’re so talented but after reading this i know why you must be so talented: because you’re so in peace with yourself and the situations you’re in. Its amazing to read and i’m almost crying for this beauty.
My father died thirteen years ago. He had leukemia (i’ve always found a strange name for something so deadly, ‘leuk’ in Dutch means: fun or joy). Anyways its not about that or me, but i can understand a little how you must feel besides the overjoy from making your own book :-)
April 19th, 2010 at 8:15 am
Sorry to hear about this Holly, Stay strong!
.-= Ana´s last blog ..House Tour =-.
April 19th, 2010 at 8:49 am
Oh Holly I’m so sorry. It sounds like you are staying strong as you deal with this. Lots of thoughts and prayers going your way.
.-= Diana´s last blog ..More Dogwood =-.
April 19th, 2010 at 9:26 am
Wow . . . you are such a strong person! You seem to have such great perspective. I know you will pull through this, stay strong. :) And best wishes with your book! Who knows . . . maybe you will find a new favorite photographer out of all this? Kind of exciting!
.-= Adri´s last blog ..What to do, what to do . . . =-.
April 19th, 2010 at 9:53 am
Your strength that comes through is really amazing and your words about your father have touched me today and offered a beautiful perspective on forgiveness and love.
.-= Liz´s last blog .. =-.
April 19th, 2010 at 10:55 am
holly i wanted to say i’m so sorry to hear of your news. it’s hard to convey over the web, but i feel for you and i’m sending good thoughts your way. my mom who was my best friend, my only parent and my role model passed away 3 years ago from pancreatic cancer. i still miss her every day. it sounds like you’re staying strong, but know that you have web friends who are here for you :)
.-= Piper´s last blog ..{aus to us…mother’s day gift guide part 3} =-.
April 19th, 2010 at 11:27 am
Dear Holly,
I’m a graphic designer from Brazil and I’ve visited your blog since 2007 at least once a week. I love your work and the way you write, always trying to help us to go on. Many times your texts or interviews helped me to think about my life and my work so I became a person who really cares about you. I hope you father get better and I’m impressed to know your history with him, I could never guess.. There are so many things happening to you at the same moment and it’s really hard to concentrate and to work in such conditions but you’re a tough girl and you know things will get better. You deserve to find a great house and you will, if it hadn’t happen so far it is because you still hadn’t find THE house. I’m praying for you and all your situation and again I’m glad you’re there, showing us again and again how do deal with things. And I CAN’T wait to see your book. It’s gonna be fabulous, I’m sure =)
Take Care,
Diana.
April 19th, 2010 at 11:29 am
I am flabergasted at your graciousness towards your father. He abandoned you and couldn’t even give you a moment at your wedding? It would be one thing if he just couldn’t handle being a parent but he went on to have another family. There is just no excuse for what he did to you. He does not deserve even a thought from you. What an awful person he is…
April 19th, 2010 at 11:32 am
Your story reads strangely similar to mine. I understand the struggle and sadness you must feel. Sharing it with the world is brave. Life is not without good or tragedy. It is what you do with the emotion that determines where you will end up. Sending this energy out and asking for understanding is amazing. You will receive positive and loving energy back to help guide you through this tough time. Be grateful for the gifts you have like the home you are living in for many others have no home at all and the father you were given for many do not even know theirs.
Take time to breathe and believe in the goodness.
.-= Kimberly´s last blog ..It Is Easy Being Green In Northeast Ohio =-.
April 19th, 2010 at 11:54 am
Oh, Holly, that is so sad. Not only that your dad has cancer, but that he was so absent in your life. Intentionally.
I cried a little when I read that your dad declined to participate in your wedding, because my Dad wasn’t real interested in my life after I left home.
When I asked him if he was coming to my wedding, he asked, “Do you really want me there?” Um….guess not.
The strong survive though.
.-= Melanie´s last blog ..Sea Shell Coasters =-.
April 19th, 2010 at 12:22 pm
you are a very admirable woman for not holding resentments and anger. your inner peace will carry you through…
April 19th, 2010 at 12:45 pm
Sorry about the news. To pass on the advice of my mother…”This too shall pass.” Even though things are a bit rough (and happy at the same time!), once you get past it, things will be better and you’ll be better because of it. Hold on there. We’re all in this together. I’m pullin’ for you (and your father).
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Flickr Inspirations: Purple =-.
April 19th, 2010 at 1:09 pm
sending love and best wishes you wayx
April 19th, 2010 at 2:48 pm
sending you love and peace, you both will be in my prayers!
xxo, bonnie
.-= bonnie´s last blog ..kicking the door down :: my story =-.
April 19th, 2010 at 3:04 pm
Hi Holly, I´m sorry for your sad news, I hope for your father to be healthy and for you to be in peace with you and with your relationship with him.
Sending hugs to you
April 19th, 2010 at 3:25 pm
I’m glad to hear about your book and sad to hear about your father. I’m sure it must be hard to hear this news and not be able to reach out to him. I also grew up with my mother and she recently passed. This was the most tragic event to happen in my life. We were more than family…we were best friends. I know it’s a different situation, but I deeply feel your heartache. I wish you the best of luck and love.
.-= pleasesir´s last blog ..Wear to Where: Eclectic Vintage =-.
April 19th, 2010 at 3:38 pm
Sorry to hear about your father:( I also admire you for being so open & personal on your site, it takes alot of courage to express personal experience on such an open forum. I also feel that others can relate so thank you!
As for this week, I’ll be sitting home & hoping that I can pick up a few shifts at work, in particular a few flights to Europe to pick up passengers (I’m a flight attendant). That’s my week + a few beauty blogging events!
.-= Monica´s last blog ..Hana-the Goddess of all flat irons {review+giveaway} =-.
April 19th, 2010 at 3:56 pm
Holly, you are the very definition of grace. I have been estranged from my mother most of my life and I have not even had the desire to be 1% as graceful towards her as you have been with your father. As for the apartment, I felt this frustration last year living in my MIL’s studio when I took your first e-course. What I can say, while you wait for the proper space to move and settle in, is continue to spend as much time outside as you can and hold on to the fact that it is only a matter of time. Hang in there. I know it is hard.
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..Weekends and Fur Elise =-.
April 19th, 2010 at 9:14 pm
Just dropped in to thank you for sharing this, Holly. Love your blog and your willingness to share yourself. Thank you.
April 19th, 2010 at 10:43 pm
So sorry to hear this Holly. Wishing you strength.
April 20th, 2010 at 12:23 am
oh holly…i don’t know how anyone can read this and not be a) moved to tears and b) completely inspired by your courageous ability to love. my heart goes out to you and my thoughts are with you… xoxo, kitty
.-= kitty´s last blog ..welcome to my new blog! =-.
April 20th, 2010 at 5:42 am
Hi Holly.
What a touching thing to share with those of us who follow you. I just want to say that I hope your dad is okay, and I understand your shock. I went through something similar about 10 years ago, although my relationship with my father was less contentious than yours. But it is always hard when a parent moves on, I know. My father did get better, and I hope yours does, too.
Now that I’m a parent, it’s incredibly baffling to me that a parent could leave a child for good, but some people are just really damaged and I think part of it is beyond their own control. In any event, you seem to have turned out to be someone any parent would be very proud of. All you can do is try to bounce back, and move on, which you seem to have done as much as you can.
Peace and healing to both of you, and good luck.
April 20th, 2010 at 11:11 am
Hey Holly,
I’m sorry to hear about your father. I’ll keep him and your relationship with him in my prayers. My hopes are that you find peace again!
.-= Courtney´s last blog ..Mark your calendar. =-.
April 20th, 2010 at 1:01 pm
Sending good thoughts you way.
April 20th, 2010 at 7:02 pm
Holly – I’m so sorry to hear about your father. Your post had so much grace under such a difficult situation. Sending lots of love your way…
April 20th, 2010 at 10:31 pm
so sad Holly. I not only read your blog for the fantastic things you bring to us, but because you are so upbeat, positive and lovely.
I too don’t have a connection with my father and am now going through a separation. But I have the most wonderful friends and family and you’re positive words make me feel so amazed by you, yet again.
You are brilliant…
from Jo, in a tiny little corner of Western Australia….
April 21st, 2010 at 8:57 am
Dear amazing readers,
:) I am SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU. Your messages of support, concern, love + wisdom have made a genuine difference in my life. Had I not heard these expressions during this time I may not be able to continue forward as strong and confident as I am. True friends make all the difference, in good times and especially in the not-so-good. Thank you for being here for me daily, I think this blog has been one part career one part therapy for me on some days as meeting you here makes the tough days so much easier to weather.
Thank you again for your heartfelt expressions because they mean the world to me. And for those of you with a parent who let you down, broke your spirit, abandoned you, fell ill, passed away, whatever the heartbreaking situation — you have my love and support in return. I can’t believe how many of you have been or currently are in a similar boat along with me. I often wonder how parents can go against nature and flee the scene when it comes to children, but my husband’s father more-or-less abandoned him when he was five years old and now he is in his 60′s calling us all of the time because he has had a change of heart. My husband’s father also has cancer — yes, I’m not even kidding.
I guess throughout all of this I can only wish that none of us wait for the “right time” to connect with those we love, or that we never let pride take us from those we need to support. And I hope that none of us never need bricks thrown at our heads or a dreadful illness to knock us to our senses. I would think, at that point, so much has already been lost and I wonder, why? And was it worth it? What for, really?
Much love to you all — we are all dealing with the sorrows and pains from time to time but at least together those holes are not left open and the gaps are filled with plenty of friendship and love.
xo
Holly
April 21st, 2010 at 12:51 pm
Holly,
You are an amazing woman! You are loved by so many people. I will keep you in prayers. Thank you for sharing something so personal with all of us.
Hugs,
Nicole
April 21st, 2010 at 2:30 pm
Holly,
I, too, have conflicting emotions about my father. He and my mom divorced when I was 2 and I did not meet him again until I was 13. Since then I saw him only every other year. Recently I moved to his home state and he found me via one of my blogs–we reconnected, and our bond was made stronger because I now have a little girl. I sometimes watch him interact with my daughter and wonder if he is thinking about the time he missed with me. Despite our reconnecting, just months afterwards he moved to another state. In some ways, it is a relief. I am getting married next summer and contrary to your predicament, I do now know whether to invite him at all because my mother never wants to see him again and I fear I would offend my stepfather, who raised me from the time my real father left.
So, I empathize with your needing 10 years to work through your feelings, and now that he is sick I bet many of those emotions will come roiling back. Hang in there, be strong. I know it is so hard, and feels worse when your parent doesn’t seem to get or acknowledge what you are going through.
April 21st, 2010 at 5:07 pm
Years ago I read Bo Caldwell’s The Distant Land of My Father, and found it incredibly redemptive. It’s a beautiful novel (memoir?) that touches upon that part of us that always tends to a flicker of love and hope for our parents regardless as to how difficult or distant our relationships may be. You might want to pick it up and get cozy in your small space.
April 22nd, 2010 at 3:36 pm
I’m sending you a big hug, you are brave and strong and have a LARGE heart. It is more than I can say for myself. I havent met my father after I was 3, and I dont have too many memories, while there is no bitterness, I certainly dont want to meet him & that thought makes me look at myself and wonder – why do i feel so strongly about not wanting to meet him?
Apart from this I have had a happy childhood & I want to truly make my peace with this. I am so proud of you & you will do well, in being there for him & sending him your love whether it is from far or near & that is what is important.
Meantime your projects will flower & bloom & so will your life. This is my sincerest wish for you.
.-= vineeta´s last blog ..On the roads of Mumbai/Bombay. =-.
April 23rd, 2010 at 8:14 am
You are very brave Holly, and generous to share your personal life with such wisdom and grace, all good thoughts to you~ xo
.-= Gina´s last blog ..Distracted Fun =-.
April 27th, 2010 at 10:11 pm
I’m just catching up after a self-imposed internet exile… I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad but glad to hear about the progress with your book. It’s amazing how life doles out a bit from both sides of the spectrum. Balancing it all out is where the battle lies and where we gain our strength. It appears that you have, by far, mastered that… so admirable. My best wishes to you.
April 30th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
So sorry for the news… I can relate in more than one ways. My dad left when I was 16 (same reason) years later I called for him to walk me down the aisle and he declined (same uncertainty and frustration) and now in his older years as his health degenerates I can’t help but say, dad whatever you need I’m here for you. Things happen and though they can be painful they do occur for a reason. Ours is not to question the “why” but to focus on the “what now”.
Best wishes and success in all your pursuits.
May 8th, 2010 at 9:48 pm
I am so sorry about your dad. I am praying that you are filled with peace.
sending you tons of hugs.
February 13th, 2011 at 4:50 pm
I am sorry to hear of your Father’s cancer. You have opened up a
conversation that may be true in so many more families…including
my own. My older half sister has never met her Dad, he did the same
thing left-not to return. She has never wished to meet him and
I guess he never tried to see her either.
My Father died before I turned 50-he had manic depression-so when
Mom divorced him I was so glad. I yearned for a normal Father-daughter relationship-it wasn’t meant to be. I do have a wonderful step-father, Thank God! We all have to be happy for each day we have!
June 6th, 2011 at 9:10 pm
Dear Holly,
I’m writing to you over one year after your post. I’ve just read it and I felt moved because I haven’t seen my father for 10 years and no, I’m not used to it. I just painted a canvas thinking of him (http://bella-mortadella.blogspot.com/2011/05/pour-mon-pere.html).
And also, I am touched because you share your pain with your readers.
Valérie.
Valérie´s last [type] ..Partir sans rien dire