Thank you for spending some moments here on decor8 with me this week… it was certainly nice to have you and for those who took the time to comment, thank you very much! I read and approve all comments (yes, even the 1,500 that came in this week for the Pottery Barn contest) so I can assure you that I enjoy hearing your many expressions. I don’t know about you but I’m so glad it is time for the weekend, I am ready to relax tomorrow after I finish my errands because rest & relaxation is so good for the soul — especially for the creative juices which flow freely when one is not stressed out and running like a crazy person! My week has been a lot of everything all at once ranging from absolute joy to crushing pain…
I’m busy now as you know, I’m currently working with the publisher to find a talented interiors photographer who is not booked this summer — but also who can really nail this project because a decorating book is so reliant on outstanding photographs. Sadly most of my personal favorites are booked, and one that I really wanted is pregnant and not traveling at the moment, so the search will continue into next week. I must have looked at 300 portfolios this week alone. Next week will be very busy as I will work on the flat plan that Joanna has put together (and it looks great, I’m so excited to “see” it coming together) and so my ‘job’ is to now give some idea as to where the homes that I know we want to shoot will fit and where. It’s exciting to work on this project — and I assume it will become more real to me once we have our photo meeting in London next month. But for now, it’s all a bit of a blur, a “is this really happening”, and of course, even like a big bubble as so much is being conducted online at the moment. I can’t wait to meet with people face-to-face and really dig into this project offline as well.
In spite of the wonderful book, I’ve been a bit blue this week for a few reasons — and all I can say is thank goodness for this book right now because it’s a giant lifesaver for me to cling too — it gets me out of my own head. But yes, the first blue moment is one most of you know about as I mention it from time to time but yes… it’s from living in such tight, small quarters and living in limbo. We cannot find a larger space to live in and this tiny apartment is making me feel a bit closed in plus all of my things (80 boxes, recall?) are still boxed in the cellar and I want to get into my things and use them – like my clothes, sewing machine, books, kitchen gadgets and more. I have been living like this since August and so naturally I’m starting to feel a bit frustrated.
But the next blue feeling is absolutely painful and tragic news, something out of my control completely, and I wasn’t even sure if I should tell you… I found out this week that my father has cancer — it was heart-breaking naturally because I love him and maybe you didn’t know this, but I’ve not seen him since I was 18 when my parents divorced. He left and decided to begin a new life – with a new family – and that was the end of our relationship even though I wanted him in my life. I don’t judge him for this as we all have decisions to make and perhaps he had reasons for what he did, and he did tell me at that time that his decision had nothing to do with me because I was always a good daughter… but it took me years to get over his absence — nearly ten years in fact. By the time I was in my late twenties I had learned to manage the often hard emotions which came with all that. When I called and asked him to walk me down the aisle and he declined, I remember the feeling of knowing that the relationship between us must really be over. And it was hard to accept this! When I walked alone towards my husband on my wedding day, I felt amazingly peaceful and not at all sad — I knew at that moment that I had moved forward and have felt at peace ever since. But now I must admit that hearing of his cancer made me feel sad for him and so while working on my book provides a great “high” for me, knowledge of his cancer is still difficult though I will firmly press forward — he knows I love him and that I am always here so I simply need to keep calm and carry on for lack of better words.
I am so thankful for my job, family and friends as all are my safety net and catch me during times when I feel unsure — and this is such a blessing to have — these networks and resting places. And I include all of you when I say my friends. And so, with the good, there is the bad, but in the end growth will occur and such experiences make us stronger and bring life into clearer focus and so, rather than feel heavy at heart I am going to approach these things with confidence that situations can and will improve and if not, then the experience will provide for an opportunity to grow and hopefully become a better person, some way, somehow. But isn’t it hard to realize these positive things when we’re in the midst of hard times? But I guess strength of character isn’t measured by our being able to endure good times but in our ability to navigate the difficult challenges.
But enough about me… how was your week? Are you doing well?
(Images: Jackie Rueda whom I wrote about this morning over at Real Simple.)