Our Birth Story + Newborn Photography by Christin Lange

March 7, 2014

This is a post that comes from a very deep spot in my heart and though most of my friends advised me not to write this, I can’t listen to them. I have to listen to me. Yes, I had a few moments when I thought it may not be a good idea so I’ve slept on it for the past three weeks… But then I thought about what it means to be a good writer and blogger, one who writes from the heart and seeks to encourage, heal and even transform others through their voice – that’s how I would define one anyway. Some of the best pieces I’ve ever written or read from others were those that didn’t aspire to be something fluffy or superficial, showing only the “best”, but were those that shared how coal was made into a diamond. The birth story of my son brings an inspiring message of hope that anyone can draw strength from, with or without children. That is why I’ve decided to share the story of how my little diamond came to be. But first, meet my son who is shown throughout this post as photographed by the talented photographer Christin Lange during our newborn photoshoot at my home when he was only 10 days old. This is little Aidan Benjamin Becker and the story of how he came to be on February 9, 2014.

Our Birth Story + Newborn Photography by Christin Lange

Background: I wanted a family for as long as I can remember. Raised an only child, I often dreamt of having a brother and carried that dream into my adult life as I contemplated marriage and family reasoning since I didn’t have a brother that I could always have a baby boy since I’d always wanted a boy in the house. Years rolled on. I got married, worked really hard, held down a corporate job for nearly ten years, went back to college, changed my career, relocated from Boston to Germany, traveled extensively, wrote books, went on book tours, and time just ticked on. Time is a funny thing, isn’t it? You think you have all the time in the world and then one day you realize that for some things, you’re actually running out of it…

Wakeup Call (that I answered): A few years ago, as I was writing my second book, I shared a meal with three good friends, all from three different parts of the world and on three separate occasions. In fact, none of these ladies have met but all are an important part of my story. With each, I shared deep parts of my heart, those that I don’t share freely, and each asked what was the most important thing to me and I said, “Family – I want to have a child”. These ladies have children themselves so they understood what was involved in parenting. They asked what I plan to do to have a family and encouraged me to really consider it because time is limited for women – the longer you wait, the harder is becomes. It’s tough when friends deliver the message that you’re “running out of time”, but they were right! I needed to MAKE time to include a baby in my life. I wouldn’t be able to have a baby forever, but career stuff can be easily put on hold because you can have a successful career at any age. So I thought about my friends and our lengthy yet loving conversations, and I spoke from my heart to my husband about it later on. We both felt that if it was “to be”, it would “be” but we vowed not to stress over getting pregnant or bother with fertility tests or anything that books tell you to do when you’re over 35 and want a baby. Instead, we simply stopped using birth control in January 2013 let nature take its course.

Getting Help
– A few months later in March, I had another birthday and I suddenly felt like I really needed to take control of my desire to have a baby. I started to feel stressed and second guess myself as a result of the control I sought. Honestly though, I was stressed for a long time but didn’t fess up to it – in fact, I was stressed since talking to my friends the summer before about baby making and family planning (and even before that). I began to wonder if I needed to talk to someone and seek professional help from a therapist who deals with anxiety and stress disorders. I decided to call my life coach, who is also a therapist, and we spoke about my anxiety issues. During our sessions it was revealed that my anxiety issues were rooted to something much deeper than I thought and together, we worked it out like a splinter exiting the skin. It was painful, but once pulled the healing began. Anxiety is a bit like a weed, you can’t keep clipping the top expecting it not to grow back again. You have to grab it from its root. And so with this issue that I had, I finally extracted it from my mind and heart through a few sessions, and this was after living with it (unknown to me) for most of my life. I identified and dealt with it and felt ready to finally move forward with my plans to have a baby… Minus the splinter.


Pregnant! – In April, Leslie (one of the ladies who helped me so much to realize that I needed to get started on having a baby) and I started working non-stop on our book, Decorate With Flowers. She was planning a trip to Europe to work with me in my studio. We went out each night after shoots talking about my desire to get pregnant, she gave me some great advice, but unknown to either of us – I was already pregnant! In fact, after my final “session” with my life coach, I was pregnant within a month! Seems after pulling out that emotional “weed” inside of me, pregnancy came fast. From this I learned the power of letting go of what we cannot control and the power of positive thinking. Often our bodies don’t work right because we aren’t allowing them to work, we aren’t willing them to work, we are somehow blocking them and the energy moving around within us. I know that sounds a bit zen mama/hippie chic, but it’s really true! Mind over body. When it comes to stress hormones and the female reproductive system, there is scientific research to support how connected both are and how vital it is for women to keep their stress levels low and to drop the whole quest for perfection and the need to be super human. After the sessions with my life coach, I began to work on letting go and putting aside my quest for perfection. I also weeded my garden by getting rid of negative people in my life and also others with whom I was in contact with online who gave me stress that I didn’t need. Removing stress triggers helped! I got pregnant for the first time in my life!

5 Months of Vomit + Doctor Issues – Once I found out I was pregnant, I got very, very ill quite quickly. In fact, I was vomiting as much as 4-5 times daily for the first 5 months. It wasn’t simply morning sickness, I lost 20lbs and couldn’t even hold down water. As a result, I became dehydrated and bed ridden. On top of all of that, I had the worst ob/gyn ever. She was insulting and with each visit she’d ask me how old I was and would talk about genetic defects and go on and on about how women over 35 have such a great risk as having babies with down’s syndrome. In fact, the day I had my first ultrasound and saw my baby, she started telling me about down’s syndrome as we were looking at the fetus! I cried and cried. She talked to me at every visit about genetic problems and put so much fear into me that I was a nervous wreck whenever I had to see her. I eventually caved and went for a genetic screening per her suggestion – non-invasive – and everything was fine and I showed her my paperwork and she still was not convinced and tried scaring me again even after the genetic tests (I went on two separate occasions and they told me our son was just fine). I was too ill to even bother looking for a new ob/gyn (big mistake) so I stuck with her nearly the entire term of my pregnancy. In November, she was changing offices and since her new one was far away, I made the switch and found a new doctor who is encouraging, loving and supportive and never once insulted me or my decision to have a baby being over 35. She also said that my previous doctor was known to be “against” older women having babies and is tries to make it hard on them when they do get pregnant. How horrible!

Our Birth Story + Newborn Photography by Christin Lange

Months 6-9: So yes, the first five months were horrible. Thankfully, during month six, I started to feel great so I was able to finish our book on time and then I taught an e-course for a month. We also decided to move to a new place where we’d have room for the baby, but this move required planning, packing, renovating the new space and unpacking all before the baby was due, which we were told would be either Jan 25 or Jan 31 since my original doctor seemed to have messed up the due date. Despite the first 5 months being hard, it was smooth sailing for the rest of the time – for the most part. I did fall down the stairs in my house in early December and had to be hospitalized for several days, but the baby wasn’t affected and I was just fine.

Due Date: We finished renovations (we hired contractors since I was pregnant after all) and moved on January 9 and had everything, including the nursery for our son, unpacked and decorated by Jan 25. We were determined to have a peaceful, chaos-free home when he arrived. But January 25 came and went. Then the final due date, January 31, came and went. This is when worry and anxiety kicked in. I spoke to my doctor about being induced and asked her about the risks. She told me I should be induced 7 days later, so on February 7, I would be admitted to a local hospital to be induced and then stay until I delivered my son. I was happy and terrified at the same time. I never imagined being “induced”. I felt like I had failed somehow not being able to do it all myself. Like something was wrong with me. I felt defeated. But I also had this glimmer of hope inside that everything would be okay. I didn’t want to take drugs to get my baby out. Even if they are so-called safe I never feel like drugs are the answer and should always be the last resort. During my pregnancy I was so careful to, I didn’t drink a single cup of coffee, no alcohol, no sushi or lunch meat or anything on those lists you get online when you’re meal planning… I was super careful and very in tune with  my baby and my body during pregnancy. I even went for 7 or 8 acupuncture sessions in December and January to help relax me. I walked outside at least 20 minutes daily until my due date. So to have to be induced was emotionally hard for me to face. I wanted to do everything right and perfect though I had just been through counseling to help me ditch those unfair expectations!

Our Birth Story + Newborn Photography by Christin Lange

Hello, hospital. On Friday morning, February 7, I was admitted to the hospital and the induction process began. Then, I was immediately hooked up to a scanner to monitor my heart and the baby’s while I began to have contractions. Before this, I had a few contractions when I was out walking each day, but nothing earth shattering. My ob/gyn stripped my membranes (painful!)  before I went to the hospital, which gave me some contractions, but the ones I began to feel in the hospital felt like the real deal. Thing is, they were few and far and my cervix was only 1cm. ONE. I stayed up all night having contractions and in total pain. The next morning, the inducing process continued and so did my contractions. Later than day, I was only 2cm. TWO. You need to be around 10cm to deliver a baby, at least that was what they told me, and the hospital would only induce me until Monday morning and then we’d need to discuss the alternative – an emergency c-section. Several women in my maternity ward were having c-sections because inducing didn’t work for them, so my anxiety came back full force knowing it was already Saturday night and no baby yet. I cried all weekend off and on. My husband stayed by my side constantly and was so encouraging and positive – he kept telling me how great I was doing and how proud he was of me. His loving eyes, those words, it all helped tremendously. But it wasn’t just him who helped…

Our Birth Story + Newborn Photography by Christin Lange

Power of Positive People: One particular midwife was my guardian angel, you know, that one person we often feel was sent to us and we don’t know how or from where, but it was that single person who made a powerful difference. The other nurses and midwives were stern, cold and overly professional yet she was loving, kind, gentle and good-spirited. She was also young and energetic – her energy was absolutely contagious and since I’m a very intuitive type sensitive to others’ moods, her vibes gave me total girl power fuel. She visited me on Saturday in the late afternoon and encouraged me to walk around the hospital grounds with my husband no matter how much pain I was in – to just do it – since movement and gravity would help the baby to come out. She was super positive and kept telling me everything would be fine. After my walk, she saw that my cervix was still only 2cm, so she gave me a bath in a huge tub with special herbs and she did a few other things to relax me which I won’t detail but they were super helpful and very natural – drug free. I was embarrassed to bare all because I’m such a modest person, but she was so cute and funny as she explained to me how important relaxation was and that the things we were doing were absolutely necessary. And she was right. Once her shift ended, I went to bed but I couldn’t sleep. I cried so much from feeling overwhelmed and out of control and had very painful contractions all night long. The pain was so bad at one point that I felt something burst and then I started bleeding heavily… I ran to the emergency station at the labor ward to be examined, fearing the worse because I never associated bleeding while pregnant with anything positive. Thankfully, the midwife said I was fine, this was positive news, and she gave me a low dose muscle relaxer to get me through the rest of the night. She also checked my cervix – still only 2cm.

Holly Power: Sunday came and I felt really down-hearted because my cervix wasn’t opening. The positive and lovely midwife wasn’t due back until the afternoon so I was stuck with the midwives who clearly hated their jobs. I remembered the words of the lovely midwife and visualized that she was still there coaching me along. I imagined she’d tell me to go back outside and to walk, so I went outside again with my husband who had been nudging me all day to go outside, and we walked and walked and walked. I grabbed the walls of many buildings as contractions moved through me, gripping brick and stone, crying into them as I thought my abdomen would rip in two. The contractions were coming faster and stronger. Upon returning to the ward, I was hooked up to a scanner for quite awhile. As the day turned into late afternoon, and my cervix was still only 2cm, I felt like my body wasn’t working and I was began to feel depressed. What was wrong? Something had to happen because I wanted to meet my little boy and I realized that if I really WANTED this to have a happy ending, that I needed to give myself some power and get this boy out! Around this time when my Holly Power began coming back, one of the tough nurses hooked me up for my usual 40 minute scan. She was as cold as ice at a time when I needed total girl power and love the most.  I felt so desperate for love, a pat on the shoulder, a little tenderness from another woman. Thankfully, my husband gave me plenty of love non-stop but I needed a woman’s love to help get this baby out – someone to ease my mind and lighten my mood – to make things fun and not feel so heavy and overwhelming. As I laid their having my scan,  something scary happened…

Our Birth Story + Newborn Photography by Christin Lange

The Mistake: The nurse told me that something was wrong with my son as she reviewed my scan. She said his heart rate was dropping when I had contractions and that this never happened before during my other scans. This was dangerous so she quickly went to get a doctor. They told me to go immediately to the labor ward and with knees shaking, I obeyed. My anxiety kicked in full throttle. I was terrified. I entered a labor room, a peaceful space decorated so nicely with a hand-painted ceilings and relaxing mood lights, and saw that my bed had been brought from my room and I was immediately told to lay down so they could scan me again on a more robust machine that the doctor would monitor. My husband was by my side and remained a rock, but wow, I was starting to really fall apart. The inducement wasn’t working so well and now my son was having heart problems? In walked the lovely midwife who had spent time with me the day before. The positive, happy one. She instantly rubbed my arm and told me to relax. My heart was racing. All I could think about was the baby I had felt kick and hiccup inside of me for the past 9 months. All I could think about was giving him life and happiness. And now this. I was hooked to the scanner and the doctor said that the nurse must have not hooked me up properly before because the scans she was reading showed no issues and that the baby was doing great. WHAT? This was wonderful news. I mean, wonderful, wonderful news. Then my cervix was checked — I was only around 2.5 cm. It was nearly 5pm, so the midwife suggested that I have dinner and take another walk outside with my husband so I did that. When I returned, she decided to keep me in the room to monitor me, gave me another hot bath for an hour, Then, she told me to dance. DANCE?

Heyyyy, Macarena! Yes, Dance. I totally could do that because I love to dance so I stood in this giant bathroom with my midwife, half naked after my bath, and danced with her. We did the Macarena. Seriously. She said it’s good for loosening the hips and encouraging the baby out. We laughed and laughed. My mood lifted from zero to a thousand the moment I started to move and laugh and smile. Then I was brought back to my bed in the labor ward and she checked my cervix. I was at 3cm – THREE – so she congratulated me (so cute!). About an hour later, as I laid relaxing and listening to music, something funny happened. There’s this song that I love that has the lyrics, “I see fire over the mountain” and it came on the radio. My son’s name means, “fiery”, so this song spoke to me as I laid there feeling like every obstacle was in my path. I saw fire over the mountain! The song moved me and I suddenly started to visualize my son and how I needed to get him out and as I visualized him and what he may look like – while listening to this song – I felt my water break. I knew something had happened because suddenly I was laying in a pool of water. My midwife took a sample to the lab, and confirmed that yes, my water broke. Yeah! Progress! Then I immediately vomited, because of the contractions being so strong, and after she cleaned me up and gave me another pep talk, she told me she had to leave, her shift was ending, and my heart sunk. I was terrified to be under the care of the others in the labor ward with their icy faces. I was starting to make such progress and now she was leaving? I felt hopeful and positive yet worried about who would be caring for me until the morning. I needed strong, positive vibes, no energy vampires!

Our Birth Story + Newborn Photography by Christin Lange

Weak Yet Strong: As I waited for the next midwife to arrive, I didn’t break eye contact with my husband, who sat near to me. My tears rolled fast and furious, I whimpered a bit between contractions, I said very little, and he kept his eyes locked on me. He fed me and gave me tea. Then the vomiting came back, over and over again. I felt weaker and weaker. I kept thinking, “What happened to you Holly, you are such a strong women for everyone else but for yourself, at this moment, you are weak? Why are you giving up?”. My husband kept telling me I was doing great and that he was so proud of me. I tried hard to tap into the side of my personality that I NEEDED to support MYSELF. The same side that I usually give out so freely to others.

Another Ray of Light: The next midwife arrived and I was terrified of her. She was the same one I had spent time with on Friday night whom I thought was a little condescending and rude because she was pretty upset with me initially for ringing her bell repeatedly when I had started to bleed days prior. To see her face again, in the final hour, was stressful. But a magical thing happened. She suddenly was loving and sweet. She stroked my arm, was encouraging, made a lot of eye contact with me and told me that everything would be okay. I didn’t know what was going to happen next but I knew he’d be born and we would make it through. But I was still very worried. I was now in the hospital for three days and was only at 3cm. How could I change this? I was told to just relax. The scanner was on the entire time and the baby was fine and so was I. In fact, I had no medical problems the entire time of my pregnancy – not even water retention! Other than the first five months of vomiting, the final four months were absolute bliss! But the inducement part blew my mind. It was so long and painful and I hated being trapped in a hospital speaking only German for three days and feeling so helpless. I kept making eye contact with my husband, my midwife kept coaching me through the contractions which were coming more regularly, and I listened to music and prayed a lot. I kept practicing my breathing. I meditated, prayed, everything I could do to calm down.

Delivery Time: Now is when this story takes flight! The midwife told me that my cervix was now around 4cm so she told me that I should go lay on the labor table. I did as I was told, feeling hopeful because I knew this was the final place I’d be before having my son. She said I’d be here for 4-5 hours so to just relax and she hooked me up to the scanner. The stereo was on, the mood lights twinkled overhead and I felt a wave of peace. My husband sat by my side holding my hand with a bottled water in the other. I could hear the “Happy” song playing and I remember telling my husband to keep the stereo on very happy and lighthearted pop music. It cheered me and made everything feel less serious. My contractions were growing stronger. My midwife asked me if I wanted pain killers and I told her just something very mild to take the edge off so she gave me a drip of something equivalent to tylenol ibuprofen. She told me she was leaving the room and would come back in about 45 minutes. I suddenly felt different. I felt like this baby needed to come out NOW and that I wasn’t going to wait any longer, that I was his mother, I was in charge, I was going to do this.

It’s a boy! So… I looked at her and said, “No. Don’t leave. The baby is coming, let’s do this!”. She smiled and said, “No it will be many hours, just relax, I’ll be back”, and to that I replied, “No, I’m ready to push!”. She smiled gently and stroked my head and said, “Not yet, you are only 4cm”, and I said, “You should check me again because I’m ready to push.” She checked me and looked up, shocked, and said, “Okkkkayyyy, it is unbelievable, yeah you’re right, you are around 8cm!” and she asked me to lay on my right side so I got into position and she ran down the hallway to get the doctor. In they came, as I was pushing! My mood became really light and happy – I started joking around with the doctor and midwife, and laughing, and I pushed will all of my might. My husband held my left leg at every push and in 6 contractions, around 30 minutes later, my son was born and was the most beautiful boy I’d ever seen. We call him the “movie baby” because he looked like one of those babies from a film – perfectly clean, glowing, crying and just so perfectly formed. They instantly put him on my chest and I held him crying and I remember how I kept saying, “He is really MY baby, this is really my son?” as tears ran down my cheeks. My husband was delighted and he cut the cord as I watched. Aidan laid on my chest as I delivered the placenta, which was so quick that I don’t even remember it, and then I had to be stitched up because I was cut a bit when the midwife had to use a scalpel to further rupture the water. As they stitched me up, which YES it did hurt, I laid there cuddling my son crying and happy and enjoying the moments together with him and his father. I still remember everything about the birth and how I felt. I remember the music that played, the dim lighting, the way the air felt from the nearby window as it circled in and around us holding one another at 9:48 pm on a Sunday night.

Our Birth Story + Newborn Photography by Christin Lange

So that… Well that is the birth story of my dear little son. He was born 10 days late but perfectly formed and happy. Between February 7-9, I learned:

1/the value of finding and working with positive people and how badly I need positive people in my life.

2/I learned that, though I felt I had no control, I had a lot of control – and when I tapped into my strength everything worked out.

3/I also learned how music and dance really relaxes me more than I realized and to use it way more often in my daily life than I had before.

4/I learned to love and rely on my husband more than ever and that he loves me way more than I ever even imagined and that I loved him more than I thought, too. Sounds strange to say that, but it’s true.

5/I learned to listen to my body and obey it.

6/ I learned that when I really want something to happen, when I will it to be, I can do it.

7/I learned just how women can make or break your spirit, so as a woman, always stick to other women who are truly on your team.

8/I learned that the only thing that matters in life, truly matters, is my family.

Thank you all for sharing our birth story with us. I left out some of the more personal bits but shared as much as my heart allowed me to share so publicly which I hope has inspired you a little bit.

NOTE: I must add that here in Germany, everyone (at any income level) gets a midwife in their home for the first 10 days after the baby arrives. BUT, sadly, German insurance companies want to do away with this program and no longer cover midwives. There is a big protest in my city, Hannover, tomorrow at Kröpke at 11:55am (please go if you can) and more information online in case you want to get involved in trying to save our  midwives in Germany!

(images: of our son aidan as photographed by christin lange who does the most beautiful newborn photography in your home.)





  • Reply Carla March 7, 2014 at 2:41 pm

    Holly, just great!
    Thanks for sharing.

  • Reply Margot Madison March 7, 2014 at 2:51 pm

    I’m so glad you shared your story. I remember talking to you in Chicago about getting pregnant and being so happy for you when your news came out. Why people feel so averse to sharing personal stories? We are so powerful when we are honest!

  • Reply Lauren March 7, 2014 at 2:55 pm

    A beautiful story, Holly. It was certainly something of an ordeal, but it all turned out perfectly.

    Sorry to hear you had a difficult ob/gyn in the first instance, and didn’t always quite get the support you’d have liked from the other midwives.

    But what a happy ending!


    PS: Love the macarena bit!

  • Reply Jessica March 7, 2014 at 3:00 pm

    What a story Holly…. Amazing. The things girlpower, music and positive people can do for a person. He is gorgeous. Congrats!

  • Reply Daria March 7, 2014 at 3:03 pm

    Oh, dear Holly, your story is truly touching. While reading I kept thinking about women who don’t even think about having children and end up having more than one without trying at all and without effort and comparing it to your story. While I am sure these women love their children dearly, perhaps you going through all this process is meant to make you appreciate your child in another special and unique way. So maybe it was meant to be like this… to make you stronger. I’m sure you will all be very happy together and I wish you so much joy! xo

  • Reply Kristin March 7, 2014 at 3:04 pm

    Well just thank you Holly for sharing this wonderful story. Thank you so much.

    I wish you ALL the best for you and your lovely family!

  • Reply Anni March 7, 2014 at 3:08 pm

    Dear Holly, what an amazing story! Thank you for sharing such a personal journey. I love how the music and dancing (!) became the key. And womenhood. Thanks for being such a true inspiration and alle the best to you and your boys! Here´s to DANCING more often!***

  • Reply Stephanie March 7, 2014 at 3:10 pm

    Holly, what a touching story. I’m smiling with tears on my cheeks. Giving birth truly is this very special moment in a woman’s life. I could tell stories myself about being pregnant over 35, it can be really scary.
    So happy for you and your little baby boy. He surely is a diamond worth every tear and fear during pregnancy.
    Enjoy life as a family! Wishing all the three of you the very best,

  • Reply Fräulein Julia March 7, 2014 at 3:13 pm

    First I thought: No, I don’t want to read her birth story, why does somebody share it with people they don’t know?

    Well, now I’m sitting here almost crying, having read it all and I can’t stop looking at your beautiful baby boy.

    Gut gemacht, liebe Holly, herzlichen Glückwunsch!!

  • Reply lookslikewhite March 7, 2014 at 3:20 pm

    So moving and powerful Holly! Thank you so much for sharing with us.
    I followed your story on Instagram and found myself going to your account all weekend to see if you had given birth!

    I am so happy for you and wish you and your family well. Your son is beautiful!!


  • Reply Holly {Avenue} March 7, 2014 at 3:25 pm

    Holly, you did an amazing job {clearly, just Look at your precious little guy!} and all with so much anxiety running through your veins. Labour is one of the most challenging situations that we as when will ever face, and through your own inner strength and believe in yourself you showed it who was BOSS! Your story is touching and inspiring, and kinda makes me want to bring another little human into our crazy lives! Sending lots of love and light your way. Thorsten is a wonderful husband and clearly adores you. Well done both of you, Holly xxx

  • Reply Irene March 7, 2014 at 3:25 pm

    Wow what a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing and congratulations!

  • Reply Hannah March 7, 2014 at 3:28 pm

    Thank you so very much for sharing your birth experience. Your little man is beautiful, sending love to your family.

  • Reply Faith | Ordinary Mommy Design March 7, 2014 at 3:29 pm

    Oh, Holly. I really felt like I was there with you the whole time! This was so beautifully written, and brought tears to my eyes. Even though you had some pretty terrible experiences with your medical care, you have a lovely, perfect wee lad to show for it. I do hope you are getting some sleep and enjoying those baby snuggles.

  • Reply Lilie Green March 7, 2014 at 3:30 pm

    This was absolutely amazing to read; thank you SO much for choosing to share your story. I’m 33 weeks pregnant with my first child so your experience is especially moving for me (you had me in tears!). I feel for you with all you went through and am inspired by the strength you found within. So happy for you that you got your diamond in the end :)

  • Reply Dianna March 7, 2014 at 3:31 pm

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. I love birth stories…they are so personal, sacred and real. I had a similar experience where my baby was a full 2 weeks late (I was allowed to go to 42 weeks) and then I had to be induced. The induction worked, but way too fast and our baby was quickly in serious distress and I had an emergency C. It was devastating after laboring drug free for hours! Not what we expected, but we DID get the beautiful baby we expected. We couldn’t have asked for a better outcome. Pregnancy, labor, delivery is an amazing thing and our bodies are so powerful it fascinates me every day. Your son is BEAUTIFUL! I know you are enjoying him. Our baby girl just turned 7 weeks and it’s crazy how much she’s changed in such a short amount of time. Congratulations on your little miracle.

  • Reply Maria March 7, 2014 at 3:35 pm

    “Seems after pulling out that emotional “weed” inside of me, pregnancy came fast. From this I learned the power of letting go of what we cannot control and the power of positive thinking. Often our bodies don’t work right because we aren’t allowing them to work, we aren’t willing them to work, we are somehow blocking them and the energy moving around within us”

    You cannot imagine how this resonates with me! It is true Holly, completely true! And is true for all matters, not just for pregnancy.

    “Then, she told me to dance. DANCE? Heyyyy, Macarena! Yes, Dance.”

    Oh Holly, you cannot imagine how much I smiled when she told to dance! What a great idea and vibrations. Seriously, this woman must love what she does! I even felt good vibes on reading this and gave me energy to dance latter this night just before dinner! You’ll see it :)

    “I learned that the only thing that matters in life, truly matters, is my family.”
    100% with you! Totally true :)! I told this to my husband just yesterday.

    Holly, sorry for commenting this way.

    A BIG THANK YOU for sharing :)!

    Have a lovely, happy, shinny, the all good vibes possible weekend :)!

  • Reply Debra Norton March 7, 2014 at 3:43 pm

    Congratulations Holly. What a beautiful little boy! I think it’s wonderful that you shared your birth story and a perfectly natural thing to do. I remember wanting to share my experience with friends and writing it down in my journal. It’s something you will always cherish. Enjoy this precious time.

  • Reply veronika March 7, 2014 at 3:45 pm

    Beautiful story and a gorgeous boy, congratulations! xx

  • Reply Ivy March 7, 2014 at 3:54 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story. It was very personal, but I think you gave hope and strength to many other women. I am due in five weeks with my second child and I hope everything goes well :) And by the way: Your son is beautiful :)

  • Reply Sabbie Narwal March 7, 2014 at 4:09 pm

    Oh my goodness! That was one crazy journey. Such a powerful post, thank you for sharing. I hope that Aiden will one day realize just how precious and loved he is, and how much you worked through to bring him into this world. Congratulations, Holly! xx

  • Reply Gema March 7, 2014 at 4:10 pm

    what sincere words! congratulations!
    my advice, enjoy every moment of your little boy

    one little fan of your wonderful blog
    from S p a i n

  • Reply Jenny March 7, 2014 at 4:14 pm

    Oh my goodness. To start with, he is so beautiful!! What absolutely stunning photographs. And your story has me in tears at my desk. You’ve made a rather traumatic experience seem so worth it. Congratulations Holly. I wish you all the best for the future with your beautiful baby boy x

  • Reply Kristen March 7, 2014 at 4:22 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing your “real” birth story. The birthing environment and the support of the entire birthing team makes a huge impact on a woman. I think too many women don’t realize this at first. My nurse yelled at me & was very impatient with me and I had no idea that I could ask for a different nurse – it was so overwhelming. I remember at one point crying not from the pain but from being “trapped in the hospital” and just wanting to leave. I became so emotionally shut down and eventually ended up with a csection for failure to progress. Which looking back was a failure to wait as I was 8cm when prepped. When I told friends or family how tramatic my experience was it was like they were uncomfortable hearing it since it wasn’t all sunshine or rainbows and just told me that all that mattered was that I had a healthy baby. Through this and the love for my son I became stronger and said NO how I was treated mattered too. I matter as a mother. I gave feedback to the hospital and I am very active in my local birth community now. Instead of being afraid, I can’t wait for my next pregnancy and I am planing a VBAC! Your little man is precious and keep continuing to spread inspiration on the web!

  • Reply Lesley March 7, 2014 at 4:27 pm

    I´m so glad that your listened to yourself and no-one else and shared this personal journey with us. You will already have forgotten so much of the experience and it´s good to write it down. The photos are stunning and your son looks so perfect and beautiful. Many congratulations x

  • Reply Alexis March 7, 2014 at 4:40 pm

    Thank you for sharing your birth story. I can sit with women all day and hear their stories, I really do feel they shape who we are. I often daydream about each of my births (3 so far), they have all been so very different (and I do have a favourite) but have been powerful in their own way.

  • Reply Victoria March 7, 2014 at 5:07 pm

    Thanks for sharing Holly. I like the Happy song too and now it will be bouncing around in my head :)

  • Reply Melissa de la Fuente March 7, 2014 at 5:15 pm

    Just so incredibly beautiful, my friend. Thank you for sharing your story with us. It is so crucial to feel like you CAN share it & someone gets it. And how important it is to you. I LOVE all of the things you learned from this journey and couldn’t agree more. I am SO proud of you and Thorsten and Aidan is so precious and beautiful!

  • Reply JennP March 7, 2014 at 5:21 pm

    Thank you, Holly, for sharing your birth story. As a writing teacher I encourage my students to write, as F. Scott Fitzgerald asserts, soulfully. Your soulful post touched my heart and brought me back to the moments when I birthed my babies, memories I treasure.

  • Reply Leuchtend Grau March 7, 2014 at 5:25 pm

    Welcome little Aidan Benjamin on earth!

    Love Regine

  • Reply Marianne March 7, 2014 at 5:27 pm

    Oh wow! What a story! Thank you so very much for sharing! You have a beautiful baby boy who is very lucky to have you for his mom!

  • Reply leslie March 7, 2014 at 5:28 pm

    Loved reading this Holly….the power of the female connection during birthing is something else… chat more soon. Have a wonderful weekend with your family. xoxo

  • Reply Greta Sutherland March 7, 2014 at 5:28 pm

    Thank you for your beautiful honesty. I shared this with my daughter-in-law.

  • Reply V March 7, 2014 at 5:30 pm

    I am crying, this was so beautiful and so honest. I am pregnant with my first child and this is just another reminder that I will get through this too – no matter what. I also don’t feel quite “connected” with my midwife yet, and like you, I really feel other people’s energy and will need it when the big day comes. I won’t forget to really look within for this strength and energy – thank you so much for sharing your story and for being so open and honest.

  • Reply Mari March 7, 2014 at 5:41 pm

    Dear Holly, thank you lots for sharing your wonderful and very touching story! Your baby boy is beautiful!! You all have the most amazing journey ahead of you :)

    My daughter will be 2 years old in less than a month, and I also remember her birth very well – these memories remain stored in a mother’s heart for life. Thank you once again for sharing them with us, it’s such an encouragement!
    All the best from Scotland! :)

  • Reply Kerry March 7, 2014 at 5:52 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story Holly. I appreciate so very much your honesty and candor in sharing your personal experiences, as well as what the important things you learned. Your are awesome!!! Sending blessings, love and gratitude to your happy little family <3

  • Reply jessica March 7, 2014 at 6:02 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing your story! It brought tears to my eyes! What a beautiful boy and what a brave woman you are – that was incredibly inspiring. Thank you.

  • Reply Imke March 7, 2014 at 6:04 pm

    Dear Holly,

    thank you for sharing your birth story with us. I am glad that in the end everything worked out fine and you and your beautiful son are both healthy.

    It reminded me about how much I needed that positive support from the midwives during my deliveries.
    Midwives now really need our support! It’s one of the most important professions!

    Greetings from Berlin,

  • Reply Ariana {And Here We Are...} March 7, 2014 at 6:08 pm

    Wow. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. This experience really resonated with me. I had such a difficult birth, and yet all of the birth stories I read seem mostly blissful– which can be alienating. (Of course, the others are dubbed “horror stories” which isn’t helpful, either.) So thank you for sharing the challenges and positives with us.
    Well done, Holly, Thorsten and Aidan.

  • Reply Caisee March 7, 2014 at 6:16 pm

    Congratulations, Holly, he is beautiful! And thank you for sharing your story it was extremely encouraging. :) So glad you took the time to tell it to us! Xoxo

  • Reply Kaddi March 7, 2014 at 6:19 pm

    Dear Holly,
    I just read the story of the birth of your son and I full of tears right now. I appreciate the way you wrote the whole story and I appreciate the openness you showed while writing this article! I absolutely love this.
    Thank you so so so much for this lovely, enchantingly honest article.
    I wish you and your family (Congratsssssss!!!) all the best and I’m really glad to read more of you and your SON AIDAN.

    Kaddi xxx

  • Reply Kaddi March 7, 2014 at 6:20 pm

    Dear Holly,
    I just read the story of the birth of your son and I am full of tears right now. I appreciate the way you wrote the whole story and I appreciate the openness you showed while writing this article! I absolutely love this.
    Thank you so so so much for this lovely, enchantingly honest article.
    I wish you and your family (Congratsssssss!!!) all the best and I’m really glad to read more of you and your SON AIDAN.


  • Reply Celina March 7, 2014 at 6:32 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this story. As i am pregnant, and quite emotional, i was crying so badly. The next thing i’ll do, is to find a better gyn, for mine is horrible too. But i feel engouraged by your strong will and your strength. And your son is just perfect!

  • Reply Hannah March 7, 2014 at 7:07 pm

    This gave me such goosebumps Holly! What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing so much. I’m now looking forward to motherhood that much more :)

  • Reply In a Trendy Town March 7, 2014 at 7:21 pm

    We have not got children but my partner is pregnant and we are excited!

  • Reply Emine March 7, 2014 at 7:24 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story Holly! It is during these difficult times, when as women and/or mothers, we find the strength to overcome many things in life and ultimately, surprise ourselves! : )

    Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful baby boy Aidan! xo

  • Reply Hazel March 7, 2014 at 7:52 pm

    I’m reading this four days away from my own due date, crying tears of both happiness for you and your family but also remembering how stressful the labour was with my son, I think as women we punish ourselves far too much if we can’t do things naturally the guilt i felt that I had to have a c section with my son was tremendous it led to me not being able to breastfeed as I intended of course feeding him formula hasn’t impacted at all on his health or development, but goodness me the guilt I piled on myself was silly! Any new Mum reading this don’t worry so much about being natural wether it be in your delivery suite or when you get home, concentrate on how much you love your little one, and most importantly ignore anyone who tells you your doing it wrong! Every baby is different so therefore ever parent must be what’s right for your friend might not be for you!

  • Reply Dahlia March 7, 2014 at 7:53 pm

    Dear Holly,
    Thank you for sharing your story! I think you will be happy you wrote down your birth story, it’s amazing now but as life goes on, and your beautiful baby grows and becomes a little boy, all the little details will recede from your immediate memory and it will be great to have a written record.
    And maybe the induction was the reason you had such a hard time, it tends to make labor very painful and long. Bravo to you for staying on course and riding all those waves! It is a great lesson for motherhood, as well. Many happy days to you and your little family!

  • Reply Elenor March 7, 2014 at 8:13 pm

    We are so beautiful and powerful when we are honest. I have a few tears in my eyes now… I could relate to your story on so many levels, remembering when I gave birth six and eight years ago. Also what I found very interesting was that you got pregnant after that last therapy session. It was a bit of an epiphany to read as I went through something similar before our first was conceived.
    The importance of letting go…

    I wish you all the best and bon voyage on this continuing journey with Aidan. He will forever be a source of inspiration and the deepest most overwhelming love there is.

  • Reply Silky Hart March 7, 2014 at 8:25 pm

    Holly, what a tremendous experience and thank you for sharing so honestly what you learned. We all need to be reminded that we have the power within us and that dancing daily does wonders for our spirits! xo, Silky

  • Reply Libby March 7, 2014 at 8:49 pm

    I have tears in my eyes after such a powerful story. Oh yes, it is through childbirth, no matter the circumstance, that we as women realize just HOW strong we are. I never, ever would have thought I could go through such a thing (and I survived it beautifully!) And now I know, beyond a doubt, just how very strong and self reliant and powerful we as women are. It is kind of magical isn’t it?

  • Reply Sig @ Glowing Healthy Life March 7, 2014 at 8:54 pm

    Heya Holly – congrats on your beautiful little baby boy. Thank you so much for sharing and to be honest it brought back memories of my baby boy’s birth story as well – it was almost exactly the same (but a slightly different ending).

    I love your lessons and they are so, so true. Positive thoughts all the way!

    Mine is here if you want to read it (broken into 3 parts because it was long! lol)


    He is now 11 months and turns 1 in a few short weeks – it flies! Enjoy and savour this time. It’s bloody hard work but the best thing you will ever do.

  • Reply Doris March 7, 2014 at 8:57 pm

    Dear Holly, the birth story was so touching! 17 years ago this happened to me! My first son was 18 days late, I had 2 days in Hospital, being induced twice, a painful and lonesome night…my angel was my midwife, sending me to shower-5 hours later my wonderful baby had arrived and this day I left hospital. My next two children were born at home with the help of my midwife! Thank you for sharing your birth story! Always listen to your heart-it tells you what is right! Best wishes for your little family, Doris

  • Reply Penny March 7, 2014 at 9:00 pm

    Wow, what an experience! Such an inspiration in so many ways that I can’t begin to pinpoint all of them in this comment. Your son is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing.

  • Reply Kerstin March 7, 2014 at 9:03 pm

    (Better than my bad english, sorry…)

  • Reply Kingsley Ryan March 7, 2014 at 9:10 pm


  • Reply Clever Girl Reviews March 7, 2014 at 9:17 pm

    What a beautiful story! Made me tear up. I get treated like crap by my doctor for being 35 too. It’s like I stopped being a person on my birthday to her. Just risk numbers.

  • Reply Victoria March 7, 2014 at 9:17 pm

    Thank you for sharing! Beautiful sorry. Congratulations and welcome to Motherhood!!

  • Reply ishtar olivera March 7, 2014 at 9:20 pm

    Dear holly
    it takes a lot of courage to open your heart and share your birth story with us! so I trully want to thank you for that!!!
    I´m so reliefed it all had a happy ending and you and your son are good and healthy!
    Bless you and your beautiful beautiful family!!
    lots of love always

  • Reply Maureen March 7, 2014 at 9:35 pm

    omg, he is beautiful!

  • Reply Donatella March 7, 2014 at 9:39 pm

    Dear Holly,
    You are so brave in opening up here – I would be unable to do so, and yet your decision to publish your story makes sense to me: when pregnant, I honestly started distrusting what other women were telling me about their own experience, it was all too rosy and picture perfect. In the end, I understood that it may have been a way of trying to preserve my feelings and energy, but I like honesty better, in all things in life. So, in the light of my experience, your story is honest and as such it can only foster strength and trust among peers, which is extremely valuable. And boy, do I agree with you: women need to/can trust their instincts. Thank you and warmest congratulations to you and your family!

  • Reply Leanne March 7, 2014 at 9:50 pm

    What a journey!
    He is absolutely beautiful. Congratulations to all of you. x
    Ps. I adore the feet picture. I always loved looking at my little boys feet when he was a baby, something just adorable about them!

  • Reply jillderiu March 7, 2014 at 9:50 pm

    What a journey from the very begining to the beautiful end! I have had two home births and an AMAZING midwife..she is an angel …my first birth was hospital birth and midwife..horrible..but I always wanted homebirth and my first birth proved that for me too. I found I loved to sing when in labour and loved music to relax into the contractions….it is so true that women can be so empowering when surrounded by the good ones….enjoy your babymoon …every last bit!

  • Reply Anne March 7, 2014 at 10:04 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story. It is powerful to share your birth story. In years of working with new moms I never met one who didn’t want to tell their story. Having had two boys of my own – after 35, you’ll find the lessons you learned that you shared with us will serve you well as you find yourself in the company of other moms, other women who will lift you up in your efforts to parent your sweet Aidan and those that will need to be weeded out. What is so great is that you have this story to go back to and putting it out there when it is fresh keeps it so authentic. Congratulations on your gorgeous baby boy. Raising them is an absolute joy – even on the days it’s not. Enjoy him.

  • Reply Susan Medyn March 7, 2014 at 10:28 pm

    Thank you for sharing. You share such a beautiful and moving birth story. Beautiful photos. Amazing love.

  • Reply Carmen March 7, 2014 at 10:33 pm

    Holly thank you for sharing your story. It is beautiful and full of strength, even if you didn’t feel like you were being strong.
    I also had a though time when mt fist son was born. I was in labour for a long time and finally decided to get an epidural, my body couldn’t take it any longer. It made me feel bad that I couldn’t do the drug free labor I planned for months. I had also a tough time with the nurses and midwives at the hospital, I felt they were very impatient, sometimes I think that maybe when you are having a baby for the first time you are very apprehensive and since the nurses and midwives deliver babies on a daily basis they have just lost sight of what it truly is to be there to assist people. To me it felt they just wanted to be done with it. I think most of the time what people need is support, and a friendly, compassionate look that assures us we can go through anything we set our minds to.
    Thanks for sharing a story that is so personal. I understand not everyone likes to write about such personal things, but in my experience if you are not going to share from the heart, then what is the point? From what I’ve seen your readers truly love you, most of us haven’t met you, probably never will, but you receive positive energy from a lot of people around the world and you should feel very happy that your work and your story has touched so many people.
    I guess you post left me really inspired! Sorry for the super long comment.
    Have an awesome weekend and enjoy your little one!

  • Reply Nina March 7, 2014 at 10:57 pm

    Dear Holly,
    thank you for sharing your story. It made me think of giving birth to my babygirl 1,5 year ago…and how sorry I am, that I didn’t write it down, all the details, because the time is so slow then and everything is so intensive…I was also 3 days in a hospital, and had the same problem only 1 cm and 2 cm open. At 37 weeks. And then, I gathered all of my hidden power, strength to cooperate with my baby, to invite her to join us, so we can be a family. But I was soooo positive, I was a ray of sunshine, I even surprised myself! And have learned so much about myself in ways I could have never imagined before. I am so sorry for negativity and stress you got in hospital, I think being a midwife is such an important thing, and having the right person by your side, to help you through the process of giving birth, is such a huge responsibility! I am sooo happy for a happy ending of your pregnancy chapter and I wish your family all the best. Be healthy and loving and enjoy every bit of your little sweet baby boy!
    Love, Nina

  • Reply Tanya March 7, 2014 at 10:58 pm

    Hi Holly,
    Thanks for sharing your beautifl story, i had tears running down my face at the end, cos i know how it feels after going through your labour and birth that feeling when you hold your baby for the first time. I just had my second son 5 months ago, Im sorry you only got to experience one kind midwide, that would have sucked. each and every midwife i had was so nice and kind, i imagined the all would be in that job…i was lucky i realise noe. one even held my hand and strocked my head for a few hours! Im just so glad and happy for you, i can see what a wonderful woman you are with all this talent and inspiring to so many people, and you deserve every happiness and love with your family. and your son is gorgeous great story

  • Reply debbi in Texas March 7, 2014 at 11:29 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story; it will help others be strong in their own special medical circumstances. I think we all have stories when dealing with the medical profession. Be your own advocate and cheerleader is a great motto. He is just beautiful…

  • Reply Jewels March 7, 2014 at 11:29 pm


    Thank you so much for sharing. I read it half smiling, half in tears. It made me think about the birth story of my baby, which is still so vivid that I don’t think I will ever forget a piece of it. It was the most painful and traumatizing time of my life and the most beautiful and happy moment at the same time. Nothing compares…


  • Reply Veronica Barry March 7, 2014 at 11:33 pm

    What an inspirational and moving story. I too had a terrible birth and was surrounded with negative midwives and a terrible doctor. This was my first child. When I had my second and third child I chose another doctor and he had his own midwife. What a difference it made both doctors and nurse were caring loving and gave me positive vibes leading to an amazing birth for both. Your story has changed me, I will try and surround myself with kind beings,, and be more positive in my outlook on life. Thank you for sharing your story. Little Aidan is a perfect gift from God. Congratulations.

    • Reply decor8 March 8, 2014 at 8:17 am

      @veronica – I’m sorry to hear that! I had a wonderful birth but very challenging pre-labor… But the labor was so effortless and beautiful that I’d do it all again if I had too!

  • Reply merilyn March 7, 2014 at 11:49 pm

    hi holly,
    well done! … you certainly had a time of it! but all worth it in the end and many life lessons learned! (I kept checking! … has she had her little one yet? … oh dear what is happening? I was thinking maybe the date was wrong)
    a happy outcome and you’ll never forget your son’s birth … congratulations
    superb photography! all the best m:)X

  • Reply Annie Kruse March 8, 2014 at 12:00 am

    Oh Holly, you write so beautifully and from the heart. Reading your post I was totally captivated. I was there with you and felt your anxiety and pain and eventually cried when Aiden was born. I like how you’ve turned this story into a positive one and pointed out what you learned from it at the end.
    During those days Feb 7-9 I was following you on IG and suspected that you must be going through a tough time. I was hoping that you remembered my little pieces of advice when we had our skype call back in December. Explaining about the love hormone Serotonin helping your cervix dilate and that adrenalin and anxiety will do the opposite, thinking about each contraction getting you one step closer to your baby and to remember that our body knows what to do, all we have to do is let go and trust. I was sending you all these positive thoughts during this time and I’m so glad it all worked out fine in the end. The photographs are gorgeous and once again CONGRATULATIONS MAMA HOLLY & PAPA THORSTEN! Well done! XO

    • Reply decor8 March 8, 2014 at 8:15 am

      @annie kruse: I wish I had remembered that call but sadly, I didn’t… I was so caught up in the moment and driven by instinct but glad in the end that everything went great and I had a 30 minute labor, a beautiful one, and delivered naturally…. Made me so glad to have a genuine happy ending!

  • Reply se7en March 8, 2014 at 12:18 am

    Oh how very beautiful he is… Congratulations. I love your story, your bravery and your triumph. Well done to you and your little family, wishing you all the very best.

  • Reply Sabine March 8, 2014 at 12:46 am

    Touching and told with so much grace…

    Do you know the song “life is real” from ayo – your background story in the beginning just made the connection for me.

    All the best!

    • Reply decor8 March 8, 2014 at 8:12 am

      @sabine – yes, I love her and that song, too!

  • Reply Darcel {The Mahogany Way} March 8, 2014 at 2:21 am

    I don’t know why your friends told you not to share your birth story. That was AMAZING! Your son is adorable. I think when we share pieces of ourselves that are scary and truthful it allows others to gain encouragement from us. Found you via bloglovin…thank you for sharing!

  • Reply Michelle March 8, 2014 at 3:19 am

    Wonderful! Thank you! And congratulations!

  • Reply Danimezza March 8, 2014 at 3:38 am


    I promise you (from experience) you will read this over and over and over again. Better yet, turn it into a mini Blurb book x

    My son’s name is Aidan Ryan Melnyczenko ;)

  • Reply Martina March 8, 2014 at 4:19 am

    It was really interesting and enjoyable to read your birth story! I was already waiting for it after you announced that you would be posting it soon. As I have three children myself I could very much feel with you what you have been through. I also had a very long and tough first birth, luckily the following two were a lot easier and quicker.
    Your experience with your first ob/gyn is incredible – I would have changed immediately – other women should be warned of her. I could also fully understand your language issue. I am German and my first baby was born in London, my second in Germany and my third one in Belgium (where I really had a language problem as my French is quite poor). I really think having a baby is one of the most amazing experiences for a woman – so sharing your birth story seems so natural to me but so publicly it obviously isn’t. But it’s wonderful that you did – I’m sure it’s a huge encouragement for most women.

    I would actually be interested in your life coach. I’m not sure if you want to share her of his contact details?

    Enjoy this very precious time with your lovely little boy and your family!

  • Reply lucia March 8, 2014 at 5:15 am

    After your birth story I’m more convinced than ever that we women are super heroes! Amazing. I was on tears. Thanks for sharing. Congrats for your beautiful family.

    My husband and I we always talked about nice people coming to help like if they were angels. We felt that specially during the years we lived in Germany. I’m glad you had your angel midwife… such an amazing midwife!

    All the best for you and your family. Wish you many magical moments :)

  • Reply bethania March 8, 2014 at 5:21 am

    Thank you, a deep thank you, for sharing such a rich experience, Holly. I can relate so much to it. Our daughter is now 15, divine and amazing, but she was born very small, weighting 1,8kg and the experience echoes up to now. There is nothing like maternity to give us a real perspective in life. And this boy of yours is awesome and will be proud of you when he reads this post in a few years.

  • Reply Anita March 8, 2014 at 6:14 am

    Thank you Holly for sharing this with us.
    Ich finde es mutig und wundervoll, dass du mit uns diese sehr private Seite deines Lebens und deiner Seele teilst.
    Es erwärmt mein Herz zu lesen und zu sehen, wie glücklich du bist, denn mir ist dieses liebevolle Urvertrauen verloren gegangen.
    Ich wünsche Euch Liebe und viele positive Menschen in Eurem Leben!

  • Reply Christine March 8, 2014 at 6:35 am

    Thank you for sharing your very personal story Holly! You’ve inspired me to write a birth story again for my second baby when she arrives in July. Here’s the story of my first daughter’s birth if you’re interested in having a read: pinwheelsandstories.com/2013/08/08/mamas-corner-a-birth-story/

  • Reply mel March 8, 2014 at 6:57 am

    Dearest Holly, thank you so much for sharing your birth story – beautiful, powerful and full of so much love between you and Thorsten and your little Aidan. How lovely also for your little man that he has it in writing for him one day. Wishing you three the most wonderful life! Mel x

  • Reply Amy March 8, 2014 at 7:33 am

    holly – thank you for being a beautiful example in vulnerability and strength. having a baby – really – it’s no joke. a huge congrats to you in bringing your beautiful little boy into the world!

  • Reply Laurence W March 8, 2014 at 7:44 am

    It´s a great moving story ! And You are such a lovely person ! You are full of positive energy, ready to share it ! That´s great !

  • Reply Moorea March 8, 2014 at 8:14 am

    I never would have found your decorating work if it weren’t for this birth story post I found on pinterest! Beautiful and beautifully written story. I also had Hyperemesis Gravidarum (severe morning sickness) and lost a lot of weight. I fired one nurse and my doula for being uncooperative or negative. I really found my power in those moments and some of those lessons really sustain me! And now I get to be inspired to decorate..all because I read another wonderful birth story! xo Moorea

  • Reply Helen March 8, 2014 at 8:29 am

    I am glad you didn’t listen to your friends and you wrote this. You are so right that women get strength from each other and we should stick with people positive and on the same team. Your first doctor would have hated me I had my second son last year at the age of 39.
    I also loved that we need to get to the root of aniexty, as someone that has aniexty I have not found the roots yet and it does come back like a weed. This was well written. Luckily for me I only had aniexty during my pregnancy as I had a very difficult first birth of my first son which ended in a c section. I desperately wanted a natural birth but it wasn’t to be for the second time. I never felt that I failed I have always seen it as it is the way my body is. I am just happy I have two healthy energetic boys.

    The best is yet to come the love and fun the crazy just gets better every day.

    Congrats again on your beautiful baby boy. Sounds to me that you did a great job.

  • Reply Bonnie March 8, 2014 at 8:42 am

    Dear Holly
    What an amazing journey you have been on. How incredible you are for dealing with every challenge in such a powerful way and for taking away so much learning from your experience. Your birth story is inspirational. You are inspirational.

  • Reply Tina Slocum March 8, 2014 at 9:11 am

    I have so much respect for you (I always have ) for sharing your personal story of conquering so much and your Birth Story. You are a very precious person because you are sensitive and have an empathetic soul. Cleaning out your friends list and staying away from negative energy is a good path. Your beautiful family is a joy to see! Much happiness every day.

  • Reply Dani March 8, 2014 at 9:23 am

    Thankyou for sharing you birth story Holly it is beautiful as is you new precious son. I agree it so important to be surrounded by love and positivity at in a time when you think you are at your weakest, but you have now conquered one of the hardest most amazing things a woman can ever do . Enjoy your family of three xo

  • Reply hendi March 8, 2014 at 9:45 am

    what an amazing experience, but as said all is well that ends well!
    in hebrew we say: mazal tov! – congratulations/
    raise your child with love !

  • Reply Ana March 8, 2014 at 10:59 am

    Thank you so much for sharing these great moments. It’s funny as I – and most of my friends – can’t remember the pain I was going into during labour ad the hours before it, but can still remember the music that was on while my kid was born. It was “Gabriel” from Lamb and to this day – he’s now 12 – it’s still his favourite music. Isn’t that awesome? (because it’s also one of my favourite songs).
    On the other hand, your story confirms exactly what I’ve been thinking and telling people from some years until now: the power of positive thinking and positive people around you is really great and totally unexpected. But I just love it! I know that as far as we keep positive toughts coming, things will be ok sooner or later.
    I’m really proud of you and your familly (I know, it may sound weird, but I’ve “grown” to know you like many of my friends, and you’re also my teacher, so there must be a bond around here somewhere!) and also really happy that you and Thorsten now have a little bundle of joy around. Enjoy every minute because the next one will never be like the last – gosh, I’m now going into cheap philosopy :D! And a big cheer to Aidan who is very lucky to have such proud parents!!!!

  • Reply Kath March 8, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    Thanks for sharing Holly, it’s a very personal story and there will be people who needed to hear it for encouragement! I have friend who have had similar experience, and went on to have 3! Ps I totally hear u on the long labours.. All 3 of mine were long, 1st was 40hrs start to finish (I’m told apparently stubborn cervixes are a family thing ;-)

  • Reply Kath March 8, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    Ps ps … I forgot to say congratulations! He’s gorgeous!

  • Reply Angee March 8, 2014 at 12:48 pm

    Holly, thank you so much for sharing your story. It is so what I’m going through right now. I am 42 years old and had all intentions of having a baby and for various reasons time was getting shorter and shorter. We finally did begin trying and I had just started going to an acupuncturist and was pregnant within the first 4 treatments with her. It was a bit too soon and my body wasn’t ready yet so we lost the baby two months in to the pregnancy. After some more treatments and time, my body was ready again and we are pregnant again and this time things are looking much different so far. We are still very early in the pregnancy but looking good. I totally understand about having positive women and our acupuncturist has been amazing. She truly is a God-send. Your story has inspired me so much and I can’t wait to share my own birth story.

  • Reply Viviane March 8, 2014 at 1:00 pm

    Dear Holly,

    Thank you for sharing your story – very touching! Every birth is a little miracle.

    Such a horrbile ob/gyn! I’ve had my (third) baby at the age of 39 and never experienced something similar. Doctors like this should be rated online to prevent that other women go there… You were incredibly brave during the inducing process – Hut ab! Many other women would have gone for the easy way, c-section.
    Congratulations to your adorable baby boy!

  • Reply Carina March 8, 2014 at 1:03 pm

    Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful baby boy.

    I just had to comment on one thing after reading this.

    I am 5 months pregnant with my second child and the birth of the first one (a boy), was same like yours. My due date has come and gone, I was induced and my cervix didn’t open more than 3cm. After waiting for 4 hours, doctors at the hospital decided to have an emergency c-section to ensure the health of the baby instead of putting him through more stressful time. I didn’t even question thier decision and actually relieved for the baby to be out of me soon.

    Now I’m questioning myself if I was a bad mother to miss my natural birth, should I have waited for my cervix to open with my will power?? All I was thinking then was to keep my baby safe and healthy, I didn’t care what method he would be born with.

    I will have this baby with another c-section by doctor’s suggestion, and because it’s based on ensuring the safety of the baby and me, I’m totally ok with that and don’t want to think that I’m not doing everything I can do to give a natural birth.

    I know the perfection of the whole process of pregnancy, including not missing the due date and method of birth is important, but the most important things for me, is to have a healthy baby – which my son was and we love him so much from the moment he was born (and way before then) and love him more everyday.

    • Reply decor8 March 8, 2014 at 3:36 pm

      @Carina – if my doctor had advised me to have a c-section to ensure the health of Aidan, I would have without reservation. It is just that he wasn’t in danger and the hospital will induce up to 3-4 days before resorting to a c-section. I don’t know why this is. They wouldn’t even give me strong pain killers or an epideral – they gave me tablets with herbs to dissolve under my tongue during labor to help with pain! But you’re not a bad mother for having a c-section, please never say/think that! Also this is Germany, the approach is different.

  • Reply Sabine March 8, 2014 at 1:48 pm



  • Reply Christin March 8, 2014 at 2:38 pm

    Hi Holly,
    I have tried to read your full birth story and I am proud and happy to see my pictures on your blog. Your birth story makes me cry and laugh. How nice that you found a good midwife. Now you can enjoy spending time with Aidan. :-) have a sunny weekend. Christin

  • Reply Anne-Fleur Kan March 8, 2014 at 2:42 pm

    Your story left me with a lump in my throat and some sort of power in my body. What an experience this must’ve been.. amazing what you ‘learned’ out of it. I hope you won’t have any regrets blogging this, I’m really thankful for getting the chance to read it.
    Congratulations so much with your son!

  • Reply Ashley Pahl March 8, 2014 at 4:25 pm


    While reading this story, I just wanted to reach through my computer and give you a hug! Your experience resurfaced a lot of emotions from my own birth stories – my girls are 5 and 4 now, so those memories tend to get buried with time. It reminded me just how very important it is for women to feel empowered during pregnancy and birth. My experience was similar in that both of my babies were “over due” – the second was 2 weeks late; I had to be induced. I also had a doctor (and a pediatrician after the fact) that made me feel bad about myself; I had a few procedures pushed upon me that I really didn’t want, but I felt like I had no choice. Going through all of that made me seriously consider changing careers and becoming a doula, so that I could support other women in what should be a joyful – not fearful – experience.

    To get to the point, I am glad that you shared this story, and reflected on what you have learned. I hope that anyone who reads this story remembers that it is OK to get rid of those negative influences, and that it is worth finding a doctor who is supportive. Thank you for sharing your story :)

    P.S. the photos are wonderful. Those little hands are just so beautiful. Congrats again!

  • Reply Aga @ Passion shake March 8, 2014 at 5:27 pm

    Such a beautiful and touching story… I’m really happy you decided to share it with us :)

  • Reply dawn March 8, 2014 at 6:40 pm

    dear holly,

    tenacity and persistance … two words that came to me while reading your story … qualities i see in your life lived out time and again.

    and now a blessed bundle of new life

  • Reply sula362 March 8, 2014 at 7:26 pm

    wow Holly, what a story. I feel really sorry for you with the horrible gyn and midwives. I can imagine it however here in Germany, I really can.
    But now it is all over and you have the most beautiful baby there, totally gorgeous. He is a very lucky baby to have you and your husband as his parents. You will be great parents. Keep working on this anxiety thing though, there are some scary times ahead with kids, and you don´t want Aidan to become an anxious child, they feel our fears.

  • Reply Sonia March 8, 2014 at 9:37 pm

    Simply beautiful! A really nice story and with a very happy happy ending, I love it! :)

  • Reply anna March 8, 2014 at 10:00 pm

    you are very kind sharing your story and brave!!i believe its important because an experience like this will help many mothers to be out there so bravo to you!!i was 41 when i had my daughter and also had to be induced after 10 days,iam so happy you didn’t listen to all the negative people because now you have a beautiful son,enjoy every minute!!!

  • Reply Lucy Chen March 9, 2014 at 1:14 am

    Thank you for sharing your birth story with us, Holly! Yes, you are a strong woman. It was great that you experienced how to tap into that personality when you’re in a difficult situation. You’ll be able to draw from this experience for many many years to come, in face of many many other hardships life may throw at you :) I’m so happy for you.

    Well, a bit about my own birth stories. My cervix was stuck at 2cm then 4cm for 10+ hours with my first child (a boy as well), and I was being induced after being stuck at 2cm for hours, and the baby and I were being monitored, too. I was walking around all the time, but that didn’t help. Then I sat on the toilet for 20 or 30 minutes, and guess what, my cervix opened to 10cm, and I pushed out Alan with just a few pushes.

    I thought second birth would be easier, but my cervix stuck at 3cm again for 10+ hours! No induction this time, but when I was 10cm, I pushed out Chloe with just one mighty push.

    It is very important, critical, to relax. The doctor you had first was terrible, terrible! NEVER let anyone treat you like this, never again, Holly!

    I was never worried during my pregnancy or during labor. I was relaxed, because I knew everything would be fine. :)

  • Reply Jeanine Hays March 9, 2014 at 5:55 am

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. One thing I have always loved about your blog is your complete honesty. It is wonderful and refreshing. Your birth story brought me to tears. I am sending blessings to you and your husband and little Aidan. He is beautiful. Enjoy every moment of your wonderful family!


  • Reply Glenda Childers March 9, 2014 at 6:25 am

    I wish for you that you would have had loving support from the hospital staff the entire three days, but am so glad you had your one lovely midwife.

    Congrats to your sweet family.


    ps. I am expecting our first grandbaby … due in 7 days.

  • Reply Martina Simonic March 9, 2014 at 10:35 am

    Holly congratulation! All the best to you and your boys! x
    Thank you for sharing with us

  • Reply Hande March 9, 2014 at 11:53 am

    Thank you for sharing for your encouraging and inspiring story.

    Congratulations once again!

  • Reply Kate March 9, 2014 at 12:26 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing, he is so truly divine!
    Your story highlights how powerful positive attitudes are, and how important it is for anyone doing any job to be passionate, especially when your attitude is effecting others.
    I’m so sorry you had a bit of a traumatic time, but I’m so glad you found beautiful people to give you strength when you needed it. As someone who struggled with breast feeding attachment issues, I found some midwives in too much of a hurry to help but on my third day I had a truly amazing midwife who really boosted my confidence. 13 months later I weaned, and I am so proud of myself and so thankful to that lovely lady for all her help.
    Best of luck with all the chaos and magic that is to come. Children truly do make your world a more wonderful place.

  • Reply sara olmos March 9, 2014 at 3:10 pm

    Thank you for sharing those moments with us!
    Lots of music and dance for you in the future!!

  • Reply Marie Solveg March 9, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    Hello and congratulations:-)

    You have such a beautiful and lovely child.
    Very good photos:-)
    Thank you for charring your story.

    Marie Solveg

  • Reply Cristina March 9, 2014 at 5:29 pm

    Thanks for sharing this story…when you got to the pushing part, it brought tears to my eyes recalling my own experience of delivering my son into the world…my husband holding one of my legs and cheering me on and that moment he burst forth and we wept with joy. He’s almost one and a half and I can truly say that is just keeps getting better and better. I’m so happy for this blessing in your life.

  • Reply Melody Flam March 9, 2014 at 5:53 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing Holly, this is a truly wonderful story!
    Deep, intense and amazing. Congratulations for your little boy, your courage, your pugnacity, and…for being YOU :) so inspiring.

  • Reply Fenny Setiawan March 10, 2014 at 4:26 am

    Thank you for sharing Holly, I’ve been following your pregnancy post till delivery closely, not that I stalked you, but you are my source of inspiration always :). I am so inspired and moved with your story. I hope this beautiful story somehow could inspired other too, not only in having baby, but in other apsect of life too.

    Hugs… Aidan is beautiful :).

  • Reply Chatty March 10, 2014 at 5:25 am

    This made me cry holly.. so beautiful :)

  • Reply andriana March 10, 2014 at 10:53 am

    This is such an inspiring story. I shed a tear reading it…. I hope you always find the strength in you to be there for you and your family.

  • Reply Shari March 10, 2014 at 3:57 pm

    Holly, first: Congratulations!! I had no idea!! I was off-line, raising my own newborn baby girl while all this was going on! I wish I HAD known, though. I got pregnant at 43, and had her at 44!!! I went through many of the things that you went through, too. The only thing is that I never properly dilated, and so I had to have a C-Section, which I didn’t initially want. But sometimes you just have to allow things to unfold, and accept the outcome without beating yourself up. I wish I had had a midwife, too, but I couldn’t afford one. My doctors were all very positive, though, even though I was a high-risk pregnancy. They kept me from worrying, and for that I’m so grateful. I’m thrilled to learn your baby boy is healthy and that you are doing well!! Yay!! Much love, Shari

  • Reply melissa March 10, 2014 at 4:39 pm

    wow. what a story! i was in tears reading about your experience in the hospital. so happy that everything turned out ok, and that you and baby remained healthy.
    congratulations again.

  • Reply Heather March 11, 2014 at 5:50 am

    Debra Norton,

    I wrote in my journal too Debra even though it took me 6 months to write down. Holly is so brave to share here. Wow! Can’t imagine.

  • Reply Kate @ Songs Kate Sang March 11, 2014 at 6:00 am

    I love you dearest! I want to kiss his toes and just write you a long list of songs I think you will love!!! Hugs and blessings to you.

  • Reply Heather March 11, 2014 at 6:15 am

    Holly, I’ve read this post over the past few days. I’ve pondered it and composed replies to you in my mind over the weekend. (I always have to take time to process my words, which don’t come naturally). Anyway, you have more courage than anyone I know. You have always amazed and encouraged me. You are such a gift to this world and now to your son. I love how our stories and lives are parallel in some ways. In fact, because of your courage and openness you have made yourself a friend, mentor and support to us all. I really can’t imagine the world (or blogosphere) without you.
    It must’ve taken great courage to think beyond yourself and think of others when you wrote this. Thank you.
    My birth story was similar in some ways (inefficient and uncompassionate midwives, long unproductive labor). I ended up with 50 stitches and 2 blood transfusions. It was the scariest, most powerful experience of my life. And yet, when I was back in the hospital a week later (with a uterine infection) I caught a glimpse of myself in the convex mirror of the hallways and looked at my reflection differently. “I’m a mother,now” I reminded myself.
    In the midst of my own pain and frustrations, someone needed me. I was being called to a larger story, a story beyond myself.
    You seem to always be aware of your larger part of the story. And that is amazing.
    Your son is blessed beyond imagination because of you and his adoring father. (Isn’t wonderful how Fathers are born when they lock eyes with their child?) May your days be filled with the warmth of being Aidan’s mommy. It is such a priceless experience that surprises me daily.

    Congratulations! I’m looking forward to so many photos of his first steps, giggles, hugs, birthdays and the joy of life.

  • Reply Jenni March 11, 2014 at 12:33 pm

    Thank you so much for posting this, your story is one you should share because it will likely give help to others who will find themselves in a similar situation. I was so overcome with joy that you were able to do it and find that inner strength.

    I am actually sitting here feeding my second baby but my 1st birth was very sinilar to yours which made it so hard for me to read. Happy baby days!

  • Reply Hazel March 11, 2014 at 9:28 pm

    Great to hear your story , Holly. We all have stories like this and they aren’t shared nearly enough.Although I had attended all classes and appointments I still found out a lot of “insider’s secrets” after my son was born and wondered why nobody had filled me in on the details. 35 would not be considered old in my Toronto neighbourhood. I had my son at 32 and I was the youngest, by far, of my friends to start a family.

    • Reply decor8 March 12, 2014 at 11:36 am

      @Hazel – I agree, 35+ isn’t considered old but in the medical world, one is definitely classified as “risk” at 35+ and even more when you’re in your late 30’s and early 40’s, considered “high risk” even if you have the perfect weight/health, etc. age is still what matters. Has to do with the number of miscarriages and birth defects that increase at 35+, but also other issues that can occur with the health of the mom.

  • Reply Magda March 11, 2014 at 11:14 pm

    Dear Holly,

    I am so proud of you! You did an amazing job, bringing Aidan to the world. Your story is very inspirational and the lessons you have learned can be applied to any challenging situation. By anyone. Thank you once more for sharing and wish you and your family all the best!

  • Reply Astridka March 11, 2014 at 11:32 pm

    Liebe Holly, obwohl es mir etwas Mühe macht, Englisch zu lesen, habe ich mit großem Interesse deinen Bericht über deine Schwangerschaft & die Geburt deines Sohnes gelesen, weil es mich sehr berührt hat. Ich freue mich, dass du so erfahren hast, was in dir steckt. Und diese Erfahrung wird dir bleiben, dein ganzes Leben.
    Ich wünsche dir alles Glück der Welt für das Leben mit deinem wunderbaren Kind!

  • Reply Melissa Miller March 12, 2014 at 3:54 pm

    I am a Labor and Delivery nurse. Thank you for reminding me that what we do can really impact another in a great moment of need. Be proud of what great work you accomplished!

  • Reply Antonella March 13, 2014 at 3:20 pm

    thanks for sharing this.
    I’m 39 and just met the love of my life. And even if I’m an oldie I do hope to become a mother :-)

    many hugs

  • Reply anastasia March 14, 2014 at 2:09 am

    Thanks for sharing your amazing birth story – you sure went through quite a bit during your labour. I was wondering about you during the days your were in Hospital!
    Im so glad you found the strength and had supportive people around you to help you along…I too remember a beautiful midwife that helped me during labour, she was so caring and in the end she was soothingly whispering in my ear giving me strength and the confidence during so much pain and fear! Your little boy is just beautiful – bless you all!
    i also think its amazing you get someone to visit you at home after the birth! such a great service for woman, hope they dont discontinue that!

  • Reply andrea March 14, 2014 at 8:28 pm

    I never realised how much of an impact birth can have until I had my son. Every woman’s story is so completely different. The lead up to the birth of my son was so traumatic it took me well over a year to be able to write about it, and even now I have trouble listening to the “I was nearly orgasmic” birth story’s.
    Thankyou for sharing your story. It really touched me.

    Motherhood can be such a seismic change for some women- for me it has been. It makes me want to strip away the negative in my life,and process any trauma
    I think reading other birth stories, in all their complexity, can be helpful to processing and accepting your own.

  • Reply Heike March 15, 2014 at 11:44 am

    Liebe Holly,
    ich hoffe du wirst diese Notiz auch auf deutsch verstehen, da mein englisch nicht gut genug ist. Deine Geschichte hat mich tief berührt und ich bin dir so dankbar, dass du es nicht gescheut hast sie zu erzählen. Warum auch?
    Sie ist so wunderbar und zeugt davon, wie wichtig es ist Menschen um uns zu haben, die uns Mut machen, stärken, Hoffnung schenken und geben können. Sie hat mich sehr an mein Geburtserlebnis erinnert und so liefen auch gleich Tränen über mein Gesicht.
    Ich liebe es deinen Blog zu lesen, deine Bücher stehen neben meinem Bett und ich freue mich auf jede Geschichte, die durch Emotionen ausgelöst sehr intensiv erzählt wird und deshalb um so stärker wirkt! Danke dir!
    Eine wunderbare erste Zeit für euch als Familie!
    Alles Liebe,
    Heike Eichler

  • Reply Dana March 15, 2014 at 5:10 pm

    Hi Holly,

    What a brave and courageous act to share this story. I have followed your blog for a long time and even met you in person at a book signing in the Twin Cities :)

    I wanted to tell you that I shared this with my mom and she read it through tears because she completely related to many of your experiences as she went through labor trying to give birth to me…40 years ago! My mom had a similar woman that was by her side during labor, supporting her through her entire shift. The woman said she would stay beyond her shift. I was my mom’s first born and she was terrified. This woman is someone that she holds dear in her heart to this day! There were also women there that were very condescending. My mom said that she deeply appreciates the courage that you have to put this together and send it out to women. She said she wishes that she had this 40 years ago. My mom said that she isn’t sure that you realize the gift that you have given to women by sharing this experience. It is a lesson. All women are teachers for each other, whether it is giving birth or any matter as we all try to navigate this world. The idea of women looking out for one another is so important.

    So brave, Holly!!! Thank you :)

  • Reply Maike/Patternjots March 15, 2014 at 10:09 pm

    Congratulations Holly – your son is beautiful. I am sorry you had to deal with typical northern German people who have a hard time to be warm and supportive. I grew up near Hannover and know…giving birth you deserve love only. All the best for your little family !

  • Reply Desha Peacock March 17, 2014 at 1:54 pm

    tears, tears, tears. your story is a testament to your own power, the power of positive people and thought (my favorite theme that comes up over and over again- although subtly in your blog). i’m glad you shared it and i’m SO happy that not only did you give birth to a perfectly healthy and beautiful boy, you also learned some pretty important life lessons. remember these, Holly!
    lots of love, desha

  • Reply Silvia March 18, 2014 at 11:47 pm

    Hi Holly,

    Thank you for sharing your story. I gave birth to my son just over four months ago in London and am really shocked by your bad hospital experience. In hindsight, I had a truly unhelpful midwife who blamed me for not being able to breastfeed my son (I had been heavily medicated and had barely any strength in my arms to hold him) but overall really felt supported by everyone in hospital. I was terrified of an arduous and painful birth so I went for an epidural as soon as I could so I admire your effort to not take the maximum amount of medication early on.

    I was inspired to write here due to the lessons you say the birth experience has given you. I learned similar lessons and am grateful to my son for them.

    All best.

  • Reply Stefanie March 19, 2014 at 10:56 pm

    Dear Holly,
    Glad to hear that all worked out well in the end. God had a great plan for you and your little boy – even if it took a bit longer tocomplete the mission possible!
    I’m sure God is very happy to see his Aidan be born in such a loving home. He loves you and Aidan (and of course Thorsten) so much, you can’t believe it. He has so much in store for you – he loves to see you grow.

    I would love to give you one of my favourite verses from the Bible:
    Trust God from the bottom of your heart. Don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for Gods voice in everything you do, everywhere you go. He’s the one who keeps you on track. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

    Be so richly blessed and enjoy all moments and bonding with your little man.

    Much love from Zurich,

  • Reply Tina@Traveling Mama March 21, 2014 at 6:54 pm

    Holly, I am so, SO far behind on blog reading but I finally had a chance to read your story and it brought me to tears. You are amazing- so strong and so courageous- and I loved hearing how your beautiful little Aidan came to be with you. I hate so much that you had to go through so much, but I just feel so proud of you and I can only imagine how Thorsten must feel. Adversity either divides us or binds us and it sounds like you guys are sealed in love forever and ever.

    With parents like you guys, there are surely only great and wonderful things ahead for little Aidan!

  • Reply zhi / curiouszhi March 24, 2014 at 11:02 am

    Dear Holly, I hadn’t planned to read this post as I didn’t have children and I don’t feel like I could relate to a birth story. I’m so glad I read it now though – I actually got teary-eyed as I read through your story… your strength is amazing and I’m so happy for you and Thorsten that Aidan was delivered safely in the end after so much heartache and tears. I agree with your sentiment that you need to surround yourself with positive people – it’s one of my life mantras. Congratulations again on your beautiful baby – I wish you 3 all the best and Aidan is a lucky little boy to have such a loving mother like you. *hugs*

  • Reply megan March 30, 2014 at 9:18 am

    Wow. Thank you for sharing this incredibly beautiful and personal story. Congratulations, Holly.

    For two years I tried (hard!) to become pregnant, somewhat crippled by the age 35 statistics and my own fears. It wasn’t until we sought fertility tests, and my husband got “the cup” that I became pregnant.

    “The cup” sat on our kitchen counter for several days–it was take-away, to be returned with a specimen within 10 minutes of deposit. Which presents a whole lotta awkward scenarios when you live more than 10 minutes from the doctor’s office. We both stared at it sitting there ominously. And then one day I knew. I was pregnant, and it was a boy. And I was right on both accounts.

    Somewhere in there I let go of the fear that I was somehow defective and incapable of becoming pregnant, and I embraced the fact that, as terrifying as it was, there was nothing in the world that I wanted more. Our son was born, thru induction, 7 days late, on April 27, 2006. Two years, one month and two days later our second son completed our circle.

    And for years I carried “the cup” to work, filled with salad dressing.

  • Reply lori pitts April 3, 2014 at 4:27 pm

    My daughter recently 2 months ago had her third baby and the first 2 were C-section and in the US we do way to many of these. She wasn’t even given a chance to have normal vaginal delivery. I was so frustrated with the DR. but with her third she was much more informed and in control and found a DR that really believed in natural childbirth and in women listening to their own bodies. She also had an amazing doula that helped her get thru the process. It was a very dramatic birth almost again she might have had C-section but the DR gave her a window to get the baby out before he had no other choice because of the high heart rate of baby. She did it and it was really a testament to my daughters will power and determination and we have a beautiful new baby girl in our family.

  • Reply Emily June 12, 2014 at 8:28 pm

    I think the “I see fire , over the mountain” is this one:
    The Desolation of Smaug – Ed Sheeran “I See Fire”

    I think it’s a really lovely song.

    • Reply decor8 June 12, 2014 at 9:08 pm

      @Emily – YES that’s the song!!!!

  • Reply Emily July 11, 2014 at 4:08 am

    Holly, what a beautiful birth story. I wish you hadn’t had the negative, vampire midwives but am so thankful that you had the one bright ray of light! I too went from 5 to 9 cm in a matter of minutes during my labor. I remember saying to my husband “something is changing!”. The experience was life changing and the most amazing experience I will ever have, I am sure. Your baby boy is beautiful. Belated Congratulations!

  • Reply Ulli July 24, 2014 at 11:24 am

    THANK YOU so much for sharing your birth story!!! I’m 10 days overdue today, week 42, and will be induced… I’m so so scared, I wanted to avoid medicine at all costs and give birth as naturally as possible. And I don’t want to stay in the hospital (we wanted to go home right after birth if we are feeling well), especially not before the delivery – I wanted to stay at home as long as possible. And now everything is different. Your story really gives me hope, I’ll try to focus on the positive and how it will feel to hold my little boy for the first time! Thanks again, have a nice day!!

  • Reply kquotes April 2, 2015 at 3:30 pm

    What a story Holly…. Amazing. The things girlpower, music and positive people can do for a person. He is gorgeous. Congrats!

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