Thoughts On Marriage
Today is a very special one because it's July 14, 2014 and 13 years ago today I got married! We were so young, so daring, so full of hopes and dreams... Today we're not the doe-eyed dreamers we once were as much as the let's-do-it doers and that's something age and marriage gave us both - gumption, courage, fire. We've had many good times but also hard ones like when we had to count all of the change in the house in order to procure enough to buy groceries. I remember when my husband sold all of his belongings to be able to afford my wedding ring and a flight to America to marry me. I remember our honeymoon in San Francisco and how exciting it was to be in a city I had only dreamt to see back then and how we looked at rental apartments while there because we were convinced we'd found our dream city. Only we were too broke to make that happen.
Marriage isn't easy but what relationship is? There are none without compromise, tears, joy, heartbreak and smiles that extend ear-to-ear. It's impossible to have a perfect life with someone, but it's entirely possible to have a happy life . Happy doesn't mean trouble-free. Life is hard and sometimes we grow together and other months, we drift apart. But we come together again. And we just keep going. One thing I've learned with my marriage is that the growing apart at times doesn't mean it's over. It only means that you have to keep walking ahead until your paths converge again. Humans evolve. We aren't going to be the same people we were when we got married. When I read articles about how couples "grew apart" I often wonder what they went into marriage expecting. That they'd always be the same and want the same things and just follow protocol forever?
To think of where we are today, and that we have a child now on our journey with us, is mind-blowing and beautiful. It's also hard to grasp that 13 years have passed because it seems like we've been together my entire life while it also feels like yesterday that we met online in a public forum where I was writing back and forth to a woman on the topic of masculinity vs. femininity and female objectification. And to think that a topic like that piqued the interest of a German journalist and computer science genius living thousands of miles away is just a riot. I remember back then (1998) I confessed to my mother that I was dating a man on the internet that I hadn't met in person yet and the first thing she said was, "How do you know he isn't a serial killer or rapist?", because back then that was what most people thought when they heard about online dating. We wrote back and forth for nearly a year before we met for the first time and we were engaged within two weeks. That was 15 years ago in the Autumn of 1999. Then we were married in 2001.
Writing online has brought me uncounted blessings like a beautiful marriage and a glowing career. No serial killers mom!
Today my husband sent me gorgeous flowers that I'm holding above. And champagne that I'll be holding in my tummy later on after the baby is snoozing. He also gave me the most beautiful ring to symbolize the birth of our son. I burst into tears the moment I opened the little black box with the exact same gold lettering on it that he gave me holding my engagement ring many years ago.
Thank you Thorsten for living with me, putting up with me, loving me and always being so loyal and caring. And for being the most wonderful daddy to little Aidan. I loved you from the first time we talked on the phone for 5 hours back in 1998 and I'll love you forever + ever. Happy Anniversary my love.
(photo: thorsten becker)