This topic may seem forced because there’s currently chaos in the world over the Ukraine/Russia war but it’s not, I simply want to shine some much needed light because I feel the sadness now too, and since I just went through my own personal hell when my lovely mom died a painful, lonely, and a very slow death. I know firsthand how I felt and what I had to do to not only push myself through the pain, but to find some measure of joy in each day. I started within, and at home.

I have a family and I’m self employed, so in spite of her illness and death, I still have to be a parent, wife, and a business owner. Bills still need paid, even with the boulder of despair that I carried for nearly two years, I have to smile and be a loving mom, I have to hold it together, you know? You may understand this feeling of “fake it ‘til you make it” that sets in during those dark times when you simply must put on your lipstick, pull back your hair, and smile at the school drop off each day even though you walk home with tears streaming down your face because all you feel is pain, sorrow, and fear for your own future.

Like you, I now read the same news, I know what’s going on in the Ukraine, and I have to stay positive no matter what because my family needs me, my work needs me, and I need me, too. I gave myself months after my mother died to grieve… But I learned after all of the crying that one simply must face life again and to do that, you must have a daily routine, a mindset of HOPE, and moments that distract you, along with things that you can actually look forward when you wake up each day.

During war, death, illness, whatever we are faced with, often with tears, we have to remember that like all of the pain we’ve endured before, we will grow beyond it and that something good will come from the bad just as it has time and time again before. We have to “keep our sh*t together” for lack of better words. It’s our job to dig for what is good, to consider what we can learn, to wonder how we can use this as a growth opportunity, and to dig into how we can help others through this. It’s our job to keep going, that’s what I learned from my very hard-working parents and grandparents. And I don’t think that’s foolish or “toxic positivity”, I believe it’s critical during hard times and can be the difference between whether we sink or swim. No matter what happens outside of our home, we still must go on. We all must. We still must be brave and forge forward because our light is the only light left in these instances and if we give up or allow fear to stop us from living, or guilt to keep living because others may be dying, or have died, then what is left?

That’s why I decided to write this today - not because I don’t feel the stress and weight of the world right now (I do), but because I know that based on my own hard times, that staying positive and having little moments of light was what sustained me and my family. Finding joy at home through small things. Playing board games with my son. It was the only way for me to make it through to the other side. Because there is always another side. And brighter days. Remember that.

In an attempt to share some light today, here are 10 ways that I make my home and my life feel better during hard times. These things don’t take away the pain, and I’m NOT down-playing the current war, Corona, or anything else troubling that’s happening in the world by posting this, but I do recognize and respect that mental health is fragile for many and we must protect it at all costs. If we have heart problems, we wouldn’t eat fried food, we’d switch to a healthy diet. I am fragile emotionally so I need to focus on feeding my mind with good things so I don’t break, and I imagine most of you feel this way at the moment to. So here goes.

10 Ways To Make Your Home (and Life) Feel Better During Hard Times:

1. Buy fresh flowers, work in your garden, water and nurture your plants, create a balcony garden... It’s important that during stressful times to stay in touch with nature. To touch leaves and dirt, to come in contact with insects, to smell flowers. You can buy flowers and arrange them in a vase for your desk or dining table. We don’t need something to celebrate to have flowers. Think of funerals, they’re full of flowers - also graveyards. Why? Because they are uplifting and show honor and respect for those who have passed before us. I want to buy lilies today, because a white lily symbolizes peace, so to have them on my table would be emotionally comforting at this time of war. You may want to buy lilies, or sunflowers, or something symbolic to you at this time to show your support and faith in mankind and that everything will somehow be okay.

2. Limit your news intake. Allow some “white space” in your brain that is free from noise and “triggering” news. If you’re not living in a country that is being directly impacted by war, it’s best to limit the amount of daily news that you consume during this time. There is a lot of fake news, click bait, sensationalized news, and propaganda being circulated online from news sites to social media sites, so it’s best to have a few key trustworthy sources that you tap into, and then set specific check points throughout the day to read them - I like to check in during the morning after I’ve showered, then again around lunch, and finally in evening during dinner. I also shut off my news alerts on my phone because they were literally going off every second!

3. Be creative every single day. Don’t forget this. Even if it’s using a coloring book made for adults (like floral patterns or pretty artwork), do something creative with your hands. I try to draw each day with my son, but if we don’t, I do something else creative that fuels me. It can be as simple as putting together a flower arrangement, creating a wreath, or taking photos of my home for social media or for this blog. If creativity for you is putting together a puzzle, do that. All of these things can help us through hard times.

4. Play with your pets and/or child/ren more. Stay in close contact with those in your immediate family circle during difficult times even more and cuddle them, play with them, love them more! Play with your children more, take your dog for double the amount of walks, play with your cat… Touch is vital to emotional health and healing. Also, this makes the home feel better, keeping the overall energy positive and warm.

5. Learn something new or build your skills. During Corona, and now during this whole war chaos, I’m continuing to deepen my roots and grow my knowledge because this keeps me relevant in my field, but also helps me to meet more people, grow my business, feel more confident, and it ultimately helps me to help others. I’ve taken several online classes, they’ve been incredible tools for my personal and professional growth. They helped me to distract myself. They gave me more courage and confidence. Also, read more books. The simple act of reading is excellent for the brain, but I try to read books that don’t fuel my sadness, so I pick themes that help me to heal and grow. Reading in a favorite spot at home, with a cup of tea or coffee, can come across as “duh, obviously”, as in, an obvious way to feel better, but you wouldn’t believe how many people stop learning, stop reading, stop doing anything growth-related when they are stuck in something that feels unbearable. They just glaze over and scroll.

6. Organize something. One way to forget your problems is to create a new problem. ha ha. In this sense, the problem is your messy pantry or your overflowing book shelves. Get your home in better shape. This supports you and your family life - boosts your mood - even improves emotional health because organization lowers stress levels. When you’re organizing your kitchen cabinets, put on good music or jump on a call with a friend who always has a knack for making life feel good. I did a ton of organizing after my mom passed away, it held me together to organize stuff and to also donate to those in need. This created a good feeling in my heart, that I mattered, that my stuff mattered - maybe no longer to me but that it would matter to others. I also sent a friend a ton of books and pillows, and I gave my neighbors kids a few boxes filled with craft supplies and toys that my son no longer wanted. I gave his baby room furniture to a pregnant friend and his diaper bag too. I sold some designer furniture and framed art for unthinkably low prices just to get them out of the house. I donated about 50% of my belongings to charities around my city. I boxed about 10 boxes of books and clothes and sent them off to a website that buys used goods, and I put that money into my bank account. I painted two rooms and redecorated them. All of this helped me tremendously to move on with my life, even though I was sad while I did it, I accomplished a lot and today I see the good results from all of that effort because my home is organized and I find everything easily.

7. Use bad times as as a teaching opportunity for your child/ren. Hard times can be a good opportunity for teaching our young ones about “real life”. We have to teach them so they can manage as adults. Corona helped me teach my son about social responsibility, for one. The death of my mother helped me to share thoughts on hard topics like death and what happens after death. I’m using the war to teach him about “bad guys” and that they aren’t just in the Marvel universe, but they are around us everywhere, each day, seen and unseen, and how to recognize those who have good intentions and those who do not. I’m also teaching him about war in general and what this means and what people go through during a war and how our compassion and support is needed. We just had two years of numerous corona lock downs here in Germany so now he can better understand the concept of war after we have had to stay at home, buy extra supplies and sometimes not leave the house for days. Allow for bad times to be times of mental growth to your children.

8. Journal to pour out your feelings, skip the internet. The online space has sadly become a big mess of opinions and arguments, not just on news websites but even in niche spaces where I frequent - and especially on Instagram and Facebook, it’s simply overwhelming. I posted one comment last week in a Facebook Group about the future of the internet and some guy attacked me, and it stung. He was German and not fluent in English, which meant he misunderstood my English comment, or else he wouldn’t have taken offense in the first place. It was a case of “lost in translation” yet, instead of taking the time to ask me to clarify my point, he launched an all-out attack on me. I immediately deleted my original comment and left the FB group I was in, permanently. People drop their hate breadcrumbs in the form of comments, DMs, and rage-filled opinion posts all over and especially during times like these. I feel like it all started to get really rotten during the Bush administration, then it just went downhill, and now it’s absolutely on the bottom. That’s why closed and heavily moderated communities work well for me AND I journal at home. I know pen to paper feels old school but it’s the best place to channel fears and worries because if you try it online, you’ll most likely feel worse. Sad, but true.

9. Cook good food. This is important all of the time, but when you’re under severe stress, eating junk only makes it worse. Sugar is enemy number one so limit it. Watch out that you don’t overdo alcohol, weed (if it’s legal where you live), or likewise, anything stimulating. Stay in balance. Try to use your juicer more or make it your goal to have one meal a day be a salad. Cut out fatty and greasy food altogether. Also cooking is good for your emotions, it requires focus, so it can also take your mind off of things. I like to listen to uplifting podcasts or energizing music when I cook. That definitely gives the home a good feeling and uplifts your family, too.

10. Meditate more and create a sacred space in your home. I have a sacred space in my home where I can sit and journal, pray, meditate, stretch, and do some yoga postures and work with my strength training bands. I love my little corner, it makes me feel good to spend time there. I also have essential oils, journals and pens, a cozy pillow, a place to sit and lay, BoPlay for music, and natural candles. It’s important during high-stress times to take extra good care of yourself. Some people feel guilty spending time on self-care routines while others are suffering or experiencing loss. I understand. I felt guilty giving myself a manicure when I was in the deep shadows of pain after my mom passed. I neglected myself and my health for months honestly. Yet, who did it really help? I just felt worse when I looked in the mirror and didn’t see ME anymore looking back. I went back to my regular self-care rituals and I feel good again. I see ME now when I stand before a mirror. This gives me strength and honors my mom. I even had cosmetic dental work done that totally changed my smile, something I’d been meaning to do for years. I plan to get back into a solid fitness routine and join the gym now that they’ve reopened. Keep your regular self care rituals and don’t feel guilty for showing kindness to yourself! If you’re kind to yourself, you can be kind to others. If you take care of yourself, you can take care others. You can’t light a path for others if you have no light to give!

So my dear friends, I hope this post will reassure you that you’re not alone and that even in the midst of despair and hard times, you can still find pockets of joy and spread them to others.

Love,

Holly

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